all neuroses, all the time

HAPPY HOLIDAYS MOTHERFUCKERS!

xoxox
pj
posted by bruce at 1:45 PM

so much to tell, and yet...

for months i have wrestled with this blog, trying to make sense of it, trying to make it interesting, trying to find it something i want to keep up. i have failed.

at one time it was all i wanted to do, actually interfering with work and school deadlines... as a matter of fact, i blame this blog and my need to read a gazillion blogs for much of the school time issues i had last year. i simply stopped with homework, and kept blogging.

but what have i learned? nothing. oh sure, i know plenty about you guys, and it's been interesting, touching, sexy, infuriating, etc. but the reason i started this blog was make sense of me, and i've not ever been able to use it in that way. i've come close: flirting with a revelation about my family, or just barely hinting at a trauma or two. but this blog didn't serve me the way i thought i could make it do. i thought i could pour it all out, you know? the pain, the humor, the tears, the regret, the rage. and yet i just couldn't commit. was i even interested in all that catharsis? and my god; were you?

i came to care too much about this blog. and like a deadbeat dad i had to desert it, moving on to another town, a new woman, dumping my kids to fend for themselves as best they could.

well, daddy's home. but i don't know why. and i don't know how i'm going to post from here on out. it should be meaty stuff. it should provoke, or entertain. no more laundry lists. no more petty work shit. something real, something to care about.

i want to care about it. i want to care, in general.

how to begin? how to begin?
posted by bruce at 10:46 PM

a day off, sort of

oh my god. a day off. my first in 8 days.

i agreed to work so much to help out my manager, who is in a bind as another rat jumped the ship and we are even lower on workers now, but oh my god i reget it now. that fucking place has become my life. it's all i do. put things back where they are supposed to go. put out new stock. smile through my dislike of my customers. anyway. la manageress is hiring a bunch of people (this was commanded by upper management, apparently she was tired of interviewing and was taking a break from it. meanwhile we were horribly understaffed and going insane with being stretched too thin). and so i've worked and worked, and yesterday worked two 10 hour shifts back to back, and let me tell you: it sucks to get up and go to work, come home, shower, go to bed, get up and start it all over again. it feels hopeless sometimes, like this is how life will always be. i know it's not true, but still.

she's cut back on hours for me at my request; i need to spend some time with my actual design jobs now, and i can't live at that fabric store any more. and so.

willy called yesterday from gay paree but i missed him. he told me he got the card i made him, and missed and loved me, and would see me soon. i am really ready for him to come home. he's been gone since the first, and will not come back until the 31st. that's a long time to be away from eachother, but then again, we did 3 months this summer (with a visit at the halfway point). we'll be okay.

i have a week and half to throw together this current design project, and god i hope it works out. i've just been working too much at that fucking store, and the two things i'd committed to are suffering. i have to work on those things for the next two days, so while i don't really have any "sit around in my underwear watching judge judy" time these next few days at least it is not selling decoupage and puff paints to mean old biddies. of which i have met a few this month.

i think that i will be doing some long-distance design work for that friend in new york. their next project at p.s. 122 (where andy works) is...well...i can't tell you i guess, as it's an original work. but it is set at the turn of the century and i like those clothes a lot. i've started sketching a tad, and if all goes well i'll be able to get to new york in february. i'm thinking about taking a train, just for the fuck of it. oh, and the well-documented unease with which i fly.

we move in january to dallas. we move later in the year to new york. my life ends, my life begins, i hope.
posted by bruce at 9:54 AM

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

as some of you may remember, i was desperate for a job and applied hither and thither and suddenly found myself with too much on my plate, and bitching about the fabric store job. well, i'm not bitching anymore. it's kind of fun. i'm the only guy there. the girls flirt and giggle around me, dropping hints and asking funny questions like "so, do you have a roommate?" or "are you dating anyone?" in a tone of voice that i think is supposed to be coquettish. anyway. i thought i was big ol' faggot, i guess it's harder to spot after all. or they are blind as bats, or self-deluded. who knows?

well, it's a lot better, and it's because of me. i am single-handedly making that place a fun place to work. i was complimented about my attitude today by my manager and she told me how much she likes me working there. which is good, because it's just so goofy and disheartening sometimes to suddenly realize i have been standing behind a cash register for hours or that i am restocking those plastic grids that grandmas put yarn through and turn into tissue box covers for the tops of their toilets. gag.

anyway. it's late, i'm tired, i'm going to bed. i was asked to go to two different parties tonight, but i was cranky and ready to come home after being at work since noon. we left at 10:30 tonight, and yes indeedy-do that is 10 1/2 hours. i mean, really. it interferes with my design projects, and that sucks. so changes are coming, and because my manageress likes me so much i'll get to have a better schedule...

wasn't all this interesting?

xoxo
posted by bruce at 11:57 PM

estrogen alert!

for the first time ever, there is a girl, and i mean a real girl, in my linkylove! i stumbled on julie's blog via salon, which was via brainsluice (also a new link, and finally added although i've been meaning to for months), and i must say that i love her writing about food. she appears to be trying all the julia childs french classics she can get her hands on, and she describes her triumphs and failures in a way that reminds me of when i used to be so fearless a cook back in college. i don't cook at all anymore, really. i don't know why. my late-in-life love affair with junk food, i guess. oh, and she gets bonus points for mentioning that the best hamburgers in the world are right here in austin at hut's. it's true, you know?

at any rate, go check out her quiche aux poireaux, her salade a la d’argenson, her poulet poche avec sauce a l'estragon... my mouth is watering already. oui! oui!

which reminds me, willy called me this morning from beneath the eiffel tower: a guy named jean paul. just joking, the real eiffel tower. he says he wishes i was there, and i do too; but i was the dumbshit that told him i couldn't go to paris, even after he offered to fly me there and put me up. ah well. i wouldn't have had any money anyway... i have to keep telling myself that while i surf the internet, watch t.v., empty the catbox, and wait on goofy crafter ladies as they nickle and dime me over a 25 cent paint brush. ::sigh::

c'est la vie, as they say.
posted by bruce at 11:29 AM

picks and pans

well, jim, i have to side with the new york post guy: sopranos this season has not been too great, in my opinion. i mean, DO SOMETHING, anybody. the columbus episode was really weak, and while i liked the race horse one fine, and liked the building dread concerning christopher's girlfriend, i have yet to get wound up and edge of my seat about anything yet. i was close last week, what with the dual hits on ralphie and the other mob boss, but.... nothing. no climax. nothing. just me with blue balls and a general sense of discontent. here is hoping for some fireworks, as the preview for this sunday showed the return of annabella sciorria (or however you spell her name). i'm hoping for some sort of showdown. anything. and enough with the janis already! no more of her little schemes, i don't care. nobody does. someone kill somebody!

in other news: i am in LOVE with the new soft cell album, "cruelty without beauty." now, of course i am biased. i flew to london last year just to see them reunite for the first time in 17 years at the ocean, in hackney. but i am not disappointed in this cd at all, and i don't think there is a stinker in the bunch. even the weaker tracks (the singles, surprisingly!) are catchy and good and dancey and nothing for marc and dave to be ashamed of. it doesn't feel like a nostalgia trip at all, if anything i agree with david's summation: that it's the best marc almond solo album in years. anyhoo, it's been in heavy rotation here at chez hoax, check it out.

p.s. why did i go to that indian buffet tonight? why do i go to buffet places at all? i have no self control, it's a fact. so why set myself up for failure and guilt? ah, that's a whole other can of worms, huh?
posted by bruce at 10:20 PM

miss e., and yet another madonna rant

i must say, i LOVE that new missy elliot song, "work it." and i just saw the video tonight on mtv, and i like it even more. i just really like her, like as a person. and i don't know her at all. i don't know anything about her, other than the fact that she's so frickin talented- well, good on her. good luck with the new album missy- i'm sure it'll be huge. kiss kiss!

madonna's new single, which at first i was really impressed with, is now just irritating. i also saw the "making of the video" for "die another day" and as usual i have decided that i shouldn't actually hear madonna talk to people. ever. she is the whiniest woman in the world. you get big doses of this in "truth or dare," like she's always saying "ow" like she's always hurting herself. and so of course tonight i see some backstage footage and sure enough within a few seconds of her first appearance on the screen she has walked into something and said "ow!" everyone stops and pays attention to her. the world stops and worries how she is. and throughout the show she looks into the camera and tells us all how hard it is. it's just so fucking hard. or it's so early. or it's so cold. vomit. ugh, tired. i think she is so tired. how can i hate and love one woman so much? who's not my mother?

i don't know what brought all that on.

best missy line: "call before ya come, i need to shave my cho-cha"

HA HA HA!

posted by bruce at 10:18 PM

yeah baby!

willy would love this one.

it was what i looked like, about 5 years ago! how things change...
posted by bruce at 5:25 PM

"i am made of snot" goes to the movies

somehow or other i have managed to get sick. which sucks hard, you know? i'm on top of this though, and it's not been too bad, despite the throwing up yesterday and the sinus headache all night while i tried to sleep. i get so cold, too- and so the house is at a balmy 80 degrees. if you know me at all, you know i hate being warm. but alas, warm it is. it beats the hell out of shivering and clicking-clacking teeth.

so. bored with this stuffy sealed up sick-house i ventured out today and caught the first showing of "red dragon." i really liked it. sure, the direction lacked the finesse that i would have liked, but the story was exciting and the cast was fantastic. phillip seymour hoffman plays another damaged lowlife dirtbag, his specialty i guess, and ralph fiennes does his level best to not turn into a shrieky whiner sex freak, but alas. emily watson is all wide-eyed blind lady, which is how one plays a blind lady, i think. and ed norton is good as well; but why do people swoon over him? who ever said he was handsome? it's like his face stayed 14 and the rest of his body moved on. he looks like one of those bobble head dolls, this big charlie brown head on a little stick body. see? see what being sick does to me? unnecessary criticism! anthony hopkins does a good job with his material, sounding more like the lecter of "silence" than the fey dirty old man of "hannibal." all in all, there were surprises, and twists, and some good scares. lots of gore, but it is mostly suggested somehow. oh, until the last 15 minutes, when you learn that.... just kidding!

alright, it's my day off. i'm going to clean the house. tra la, tra la, he wants to lead the glamorous life. he don't need... a man's touch.

ah but i do. my man's touch, that is. got a phone call from him this morning. he's in munich. FUCKER.
posted by bruce at 4:12 PM

retail hell

and so i started my new job, job number three let's call it. jobs number one and two are the one for the high school and one constructing giant puppets that require two or three operators for a children's show. job number four i just got hired for, and it is stitching at that despot-run award winning theater in south austin. which leaves job number three.

job number three is at a fabric store that is notorious among designers here in town as being poorly run, not well stocked, and with the meanest help in the city. on a lark i dropped off an application there last week, desperate for something steady as some of the other retail places hadn't called me back, and the ones that had offered me little money or ridiculous hours (like the 5 a.m. shift unloading inventory from trucks. um, no. maybe when i was 22. oh wait, i did that at 22. okay, then never again). so they called me last monday and asked me to come in and interview... and let me tell you, i rock the mic at interviews. i say the right things, show excitement, smile a lot (thanks mom, for insisting on the braces), and make lots of eye contact. of course i was hired, on the spot.

and now begins the hard part. all those things that i mentioned that are wrong with the store, all those things i knew going into it are much worse than i thought. they have new management, but the store was so poorly managed before that the staff are hardened and bitter and reluctant to change, preferring instead to bitch and moan a lot and pout and take it out on the customers. i waited tables for years, and i was trained to smile through it all and make people feel at ease and comfortable. i actually watched a co worker raise her voice and roll her eyes at a woman yesterday! i mean, what the fuck? i had forgotten what retail was like though, and the steady flow of screaming babies, destructive toddlers, sullen and broody goth chicks, manic-fake-happy soccer moms, and crusty old ex-seamstresses did little to change my opinion that the general public are cloddish and oafish and bad for my soul. but through it all i genuinely smiled, was interested in what they were doing ("did you see that bunch of silk of sunflowers in the bargain bin? they would look great with that gingham ribbon on your wreath there!" blech. sorry: BLECHHHH. ).

the store is left in a mess by the closing shift from the night before, so we have to clean all day. nothing has been done, no system put in place, to rectify how unfair it is. people accept their fates: cleaning up after someone else is just one more aspect of this lousy job, and one more reason for a worker to be disgruntled and rude to patrons. whatever. i won't last. i'll give it three more weeks. and you should have heard the earfull i got from one of the girls who decided to confide in me all the things that are wrong with the store. it was shocking- but i know now why i was hired on the spot: 4 people quit or were fired the week before. and the girl who told me this also told me that she had put her two weeks in that morning. ::sigh:: what have i gotten in to?

i took this job thinking i could work about 30 hours (scheduled this week: 40) and have a weekend day off to work on other projects (promised but not delivered yet, i work all weekends next two schedules) and work opening shifts (promised, and yet i'm closing a bunch lately). ugh. whatever. oh, and training has consisted of watching a goofy video and then throwing me out on the two busiest days to plink and plonk on the register keyboard and hope for the best. my god, i'm all riled up now. i ain't gonna last.

so that's what is up lately. today is a day off, so i'm going to stay home and recharge. i am scheduled all week. and who the fuck works 11 or 12 hour shifts? apparently me, if the new schedule is to be believed. this is not what i thought it would be.

p.s. i miss my husband terribly. it's just so boring! i wish i had time for an affair or something. but i'm just too fucking tired... a week and a half ago i had nothing. no work. so i got out there and said yes to everything, and now i'm totally overbooked. i've yet to paid for anything though... when do i see some cashola? that's the project for today. make some calls. make some threats, if i have to.

oh, and the record convention was fun, i bought a bunch of devo stuff. geek!
posted by bruce at 9:14 AM

school daze

today is my first meeting at the ritzy high school with the director and cast of "the shadowbox," a depressing show written in the 70's about a bunch of people who are dying and spending their last days in cozy cabins in the woods. i used to see this done at u.i.l. competitions back in the 80's all the time, i guess it's slowly making it's way back into popularity. what's next? "marat/sade"? or "you can't take it with you"? me oh my... plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose... as they say.

however, the director sounds young and excited and committed, and i like to work with people like that, and i bet the kids will be great. if anything they will be well-read, thanks to their private schooling. after being in classes with 18 and 19 year olds who had never cracked their "complete works of shakespeare" or had not read any williams or miller or beckett (THEATER STUDENTS!!!!), i'll be glad to be around some kids who are made to be smart. money talks, you know.

um, what else. i still haven't heard from willy, i hope he hasn't been kidnapped and forced into slavery or something awful. i can just see him stumbling along the streets of marakesh, asking the tourists is he can blow them... wait. that's no punishment for him. well, i hope he is happy.

and with that, i'm off!

posted by bruce at 11:12 AM

the return of poody, and a quickie manifesto

so i just put my husband on a plane to europe. alas, i couldn't go, i didn't save any money from this summer (it was near impossible to, actually). he had a sabbatical from work that had to be used by december 31, i think. and so he goes. he's never been before, and this trip is a doozy: london, amsterdam, munich, paris, florence, rome. 4 weeks. i wish i could have gone... i take solace in the fact that he will be miserable without me. i hope. just kidding. sort of.

i have a job now, a few jobs, actually: a job at a fabric store (got so that i might use an employee discount to by some new machines), a job designing a show for a ritzy private high school, and a job constructing giant puppets for a production of "christmas carol." oh, and i interview as a stitcher at the swanky gay theater today or tomorrow. so, you see. i'm immersing myself in work, in the hopes that it takes my mind off the empty house and the giant bed. the novelty is already wearing off, i want him home. and he's been gone 2 hours!

i'm writing lots of new music. something is happening. my creativity is flowing, my attitude is changing, i'm committing to a brand new life. i'm about to go through my cd's and books and clothing and memorabilia and PURGE. i want it all gone. i want nothing to tie me down. i need my mate, my dog, and the love of my friends, and that's all. oh, and my vinyl devo collection, of which i hope to add some more rarities this weekend at the record show.

i wish i had some more news, but i'll start updating regularly from here on out. i'm settled in finally, i'm employed, i'm rested.

alright. talk at you soon.
xoxo
pj

p.s. my cat, who i had moved to my mother's house and who promptly ran away, has returned to my mom's front stoop, howling, skinny, and wanting some love. the fucker was gone for 4 weeks! little shit!
posted by bruce at 3:29 PM

cried yet?

my god.

what a year.
posted by bruce at 10:13 AM

OH MY GOD. I'M HOME. IN AUSTIN.

and so the end of my 4 month trek is over...

i'm worn out. i'm tired. more later.

xoxoxo
back soon
posted by bruce at 8:35 PM

a quick note to let you know:

i'm still not home. i'm in dallas, helping my mother get her new house in order and painted. i also want to be sure she is situated and not too lonely, and so i'm smothering a bit, maybe. maybe not. at any rate, i'm here and not home in austin.

today is the first day i've been able to check my email, and read blogs, and catch up in a long long time (weeks). troubled diva (look for link at left) blogged about this recently; how blogger return from long trips and stop blogging for a while... (p.s. i'm too lazy to do the linkage, you'll have to work for it). i'm also starting to fall out of love with the whole blogging phenom, but it has more to do with being in a place of transition and not being able to share much of interest than with a particular blogger or incident. it's nobody, it's just me.

don't de-link yet, though: i'll be back soon enough. i've got to get home and get a job and pay some bills first. i'm kind of fucked in that respect, and it's all i can think of...

and yes ron i got home (well, "home-esque") okay, and thanks again. and aldo, it's coming, thanks for the address.

more later
pj
posted by bruce at 1:05 PM

well, it's no secret that i hate to fly. and so, on the eve of my flight home, i shall tell you all now that just in case something horrific happens i loved you all in my own self-absorbed way. i hate to be so neurotic about this, but humor me. i just hate to fly.

i'm typing this from the victorian splendor of chez leather egg in lovely lowell, mass. ron and marlin have been gracious and giving and fun, i just wish i could spend more time here and in the boston area. this trip was fast and furious, and there's still scads to do. ah well, another time.

new york was great too, but hot as hell. i had hoped to see some area bloggers, but it was not to be: i was running here and there, trying to fit in so many people and failing miserably. plus i was recording a demo cd of my original music out at a friend's studio in brooklyn, so i was all caught up in a timeless limbo that kept me up late and rarely out of bed early. what a life you new yorkers lead. staying out till all hours, drinking and sexing! i loved it.

the trip to new jersey, in the ryder truck, is a nightmare story all it's own. more on this later. it involved a hooker motel, a visit from the police, and baked beans. ugh. what a mess.

okey-dokey. i've got to do some laundry before going to bed, and i've got more visiting to do.

besides, i still haven't seen the actual "leather egg," so hopefully that is in the cards. and no, i don't think that is what the leather egg is, guttermind!

but maybe...???

hell, it's been ages since i've seen some boy parts, so bring 'em on!

xoxo
pj


posted by bruce at 9:11 PM

funny how badly i want to leave here, and yet how sad it is. yesterday at a get together i was hit by a wave of longing; i sat there on that cabin porch and felt the cool breeze blow in from the mountains, heard the laughing and talking of the company members playing uno and swaying in the hammocks, smelled the hotdogs cooking on the grill, and all of this while i enjoyed some boozy frozen concoction we drunkenly created when a blender was found... and i thought:

"what a perfect day. what an absolutely perfect day."

i turned my head so nobody could see the single tear that welled up and dropped down my cheek.

this old heart still has life yet. who knew?
posted by bruce at 9:20 PM

well, i'm almost outta here!

i leave monday for nyc, and i'll stay there through saturday: hey bloggers, let's go out drinking!

or perhaps you would like to meet me at MoMA or something. i'll be all artsy fartsy this trip, as i don't care about the empire state building etc. etc. etc. because i've done all that already. sadly, the one thing i never did is go to the top of the wtc. i thought of this last night and teared up. it never stops hurting, i guess.

um. what else.

oh, i'll take the train to boston that next saturday to spend a few days with ron and then i'll jet out the following tuesday. whoopee! a whirlwind of activity, and on no money to boot! i could have saved a little money here in west virginia, but alas. there's not much else to do but get drunk or buy a cell phone. i did both.

"my fair lady" went startlingly well, the costumes were fab, we worked our asses off, etc. etc. "music man" was a bumpy ride: over 130 costumes and 38 people in the show. that's a fuck-load, as they say. i don't regret a thing about this summer stock experience, and i've already been asked back for next year. i'll design more i think, but at least now i have "costume shop manager" on my resume, which makes me just that much more hireable. we'll see.

i'm working on a musical, an operetta actually, about lizzie borden. i know, there is already a big opera that exists. but my project involves the cult of celebrity, with obvious parallels to modern day star-fucking. all to a string quartet! if it sounds a little snooty and avant garde, well, good. it's about time for me to start pursuing my art with the fervor that i go to mcdonald's or burn cdr's. i mean, wasted talent, and all that.

see you!

pj
posted by bruce at 9:11 AM

so of course "goldmember" is stupid, and it's probably the stupidest of the three austin powers movies... but there are still some funny bits, and yes, you've heard right: the opening 10 mintues are the best of all.

all in all, a loose (and i mean loose) bunch of improv bits strung together into some vague semblance of story and plot. um, i guess.

and goldmember, as a villain, was just plain weak. rarely funny, and existing only to provide the pun for the title of the movie. i still think "austinpussy" was the better choice. but what do i know?

i'm in the home stretch here in w.v... can't wait to get the frick out of here!
posted by bruce at 9:51 PM

i have the day off, and so i took the little transport thingy into town and i am now thinking about going to the movies. but what to see? "goldmember" has had horrible reviews, and "perdition" seems too hardcore for me today. "minority report" would be nice, i guess. and i don't care about "mib2" after all, surprisingly. maybe i won't do a damn thing but walk over to the dairy queen and have a cone. who knows?

really nothing to report. "my fair lady" opened last night, and the costumes, if i may say so myself, are faboo. we copied the "ascot" dress to a "t"- cecil beaton would be proud, or turning over in his grave at the very thieving nature of our design. i mean, it's exact. but the audience gasped when she walked out on stage, she was just that lovely. so, mission accomplished.

yep, that's all i got.

oh! i'm adding a new link!

and sadly, a trip to boston may now be out of the question... more on this later. i'll call you ron.
posted by bruce at 3:12 PM

so this is what i'm going to do, i think:

i'm going to call my credit card company and tell them, no, beg them, to up my limit so that i don't have to pinch pennies like a freak when i bust out of here for my trip up north to see certain area bloggers, among others, (and maybe him if he comes down to beantown).

then i'm going to rent a car and drive to boston the day after i get out of here.

then i'm going to hang with ron "playa" ying ying in the comfort of his newly wallpaper-bordered guest room. then at some point we will go see the woo's at their country chalet and shoot b.b. guns at the squirrels. then i'll somehow get to nyc and look up you manhattanite bloggers and see what sort of trouble we can all get up to.

i will also go to a museum or two. or three.

then i will figure out how to get home, on no money. as i will have spent it all on drinks and broadway plays.

and then i will come home and kiss my dog and my husband. prolly my husband first (who, by the way, came up to visit me last weekend as a surprise: he whisked me away to the westin in pittsburgh and showed me the sights. i'd like to say we screwed like rabbits, but alas. all that sight-seeing wears a girl out. he did, however, get a b.j. within 10 minutes of being here. should i have told you that?).

anyway: "godspell," on the strength of a marvelous cast and great conductor, is a great success. lots of church groups, and lots of hollering and praising jesus. i actually got misty at one point, but then i know how the whole sad story ends. ho hum.

but for fun, give a jewish friend the evil eye, like i did. mutter something threatening under your breath, all the while shaking your head slowly with a your eyes squinted clint eastwood style in a look of huge and horrible "blame."

i'm kidding!

hee hee hee.
posted by bruce at 10:32 PM

let's say that last week's foray into self pity didn't happen. let's pick up, however briefly, where we left off.

since last we spoke, "footloose" has come and gone, and i stand by my assessment of the show itself: it sucks. feel free to argue, i'm right. you know i am.

"chicago" opened, and that was a ball-buster, as i co-designed the costumes and it was a real challenge. i've never designed for dancers, and had not thought about how things should fit them, and now fit them, and how much leg to show (it's always more, more, more: dancers usually have such great bodies they don't care about showing stuff, and boy did we show stuff), how much tits to fake, etc. etc.

those girls were hot. i mean, hot. i gave them the same sort of twenties slip dress, but cut the hems way above the knees in different ways to mix them up. some were asymetrical (sic), some were straight and fringey, some cut high on the hips and formed points at the front and back. all of them were hot. lots of tits and ass, and once we wigged them in their bobs and clara bow curls and did the kohl rimmed eyes, well, it made my homo heart proud. fishnets, t-strap pumps, etc. it was faboo.

the boys were in tux pants and wife beaters, with suspenders and arm garters and a red rose in the ribbon of their bowler hats. very fosse. and oh, the underwear. those girls wore a lot of period underwear. well, the crowd naturally loved it, and while once again i was not mentioned by name in the review (which was glowing, and is not online. i checked.), the costumes were, calling the show a "lingerie lover's dream." well. it was.

and the cast were fab. such cute boys, and the leads were a dream to work with; one of the women was actually in the "fosse" dvd, and she could not have been more easy to dress and work with. i mean, we cut her opening number dress up to her coochie, you know? and she didn't balk at all, just stepped in and worked it. really, everyone was great. not so much my co-designer. we are too egocentric to do this again, and while i love him as a person and a fellow designer, the experience brought out some sides of us that were not to pleasant to each other. thankfully i went right back to work managing after chicago opened and didn't have to do two jobs at once. which was hard.

what else.

"jekyll and hyde" has come and gone by now as well, and it was a good show too. i hated the music until i saw this production, as i thought the cd was just so... er... cheesy. well. put the music to the stage action and it really takes off, and while i should know this about musicals in general, i forget that as the songs are telling a story it is better to follow the story rather than just hear a song and pass judgement. that said, i hate "this is the moment," which sounds like it was written for every AIDS benefit or gay parade ever held. i mean, i just despise that song. it's another " i am what i am," just without the gay subtext. or maybe not, you decide.

anyway, "godspell," one of my least favorite musicals of all time, opens tonight. i don't know why i hate it so. maybe because it has nothing to say. oh, sure: "love jesus and each other." but really. it's like "chorus line": at one time pretty relevant and culturally significant, today just hoary and quaint. and who wants to remember the jesus freak seventies, when the burnt out woodstockers suddenly and inexplicably turned to christ and started baking sprouted bread and writing songs like "one tin soldier" or that "jesus is just alright with me" blood sweat and tears song? ugh. ack.

anyway, i'll see it and change my mind of course. the bonus here is that the cast of our production is a bunch of homos, so that certainly puts a slant on things. well, it'll keep my attention anyway.

hey, i missed you guys, really! send me some email! leave a comment!

i know i've made half you guys stop reading, what with the scarce postings lately, but just remember i'm thinking of you regardless. just too swamped to let you know.

and aldo, i'll get them in the mail!

xoxo
me




posted by bruce at 7:18 PM

Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you, Julia.

whenever i am feeling a little homesick, or out-of-sorts, or blue, i almost always hear the beatles playing in my head, providing a bittersweet soundtrack to my sadness or longing.

Julia, Julia, oceanchild, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia.

when i was a kid my mother gave me all of her albums from the '60's, and the "white album" was one of them, as was "abbey road" and "magical mystery tour."

Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering
In the sun

john lennon wrote "julia" for his mother who died when he was young.

Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia.

right now i miss my mother, and father, and boyfriend, and dog. you don't know how much. you can't imagine.

When I cannot speak my heart
I can only speak my mind, Julia.

what does my future hold? do i stay in this business and try and bang out a living? do i move to the east coast? west coast? i want that sort of money, i have to go where the money and work is. can i keep a family together, if i'm out on tour?

Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia.

i'm fixated on my twenties. i had so much fun, and was so likeable and active. i was also in a rut, and i never did anything career-minded, and i never wanted more than i had, and it was enough for me to dodge the bill collectors and stay drunk or stoned and always out with friends. always out.

Hum hum hum hum...calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia, Julia, Julia.

where do i go from here?!!! what the fuck do i do?!!!


posted by bruce at 1:09 AM

oh my god, i've been such a horrible parent, and my poor little brucehoax has been abandoned like a dickensian orphan child...

well, i'm back, albeit briefly.

smoky joe's, which closed on sunday, was a great big wonderful and horrible experience: freaky actresses, self-important actors, bruised egos, you know, the usual. but it's over. there were moments of real comedy, though: the dressers swooping down on the big actress after her last number to claim the swanky multi-tiered rhinestone necklace and earring combo, as she had "jokingly" warned us that she would "slip it in her bag," or how about that time that a girdle went missing and an actress "blew out" her zipper, exposing her ass for all to see, in the middle of her big number?

ah, theater.

well: now the show that is opening tonight is the stage adaptation of the movie "footloose," about the big-city kid who moves to the sticks and gets all the stuffy townspeople to heal and forgive after an old but tragic accident, and all through the power of dance! wow!
yes, it's pretty wretched; not the actual production, but the play itself. not well written. the music, besides the hits that you know like "let's hear it for the boy," "holding out for a hero," "footloose," and "almost paradise," is pretty gawd-awful in that cringe-making "workshop musical" sort of way. ah well. i'm hard to please. i heard the music for stephen sondheim's "assassins" for the first time last week and got all swoony, so you can see the sort of heaviness i prefer in my song and dance shows. pitch black and unsentimental, that's how i like it.

um.

sorry i've been away, but i'm fucking busy, in a good way. i'm really enjoying myself, and i'd do this in a heartbeat again next summer. of course, i'm barely halfway there and it's not horrific and hard yet. but still.

garsh, i'm tired. i'm skipping the opening of the show tonight so i can go to the cast party at the local gay club and better meet the performers. i mean, you certainly get to know the guys pretty well with your tape measure shoved up under their nut sac, but i'd like to talk to them a tad too... tomorrow we are going to pittsburgh, which is surprisingly pretty and fun by the way, so that we can pick up a bunch of stuff for our next musical (which i happen to be co-designing), "chicago." yep, the one on broadway that bebe neuwirth keeps coming back to do. well. we are doing it not so "90's s&m" like the broadway version, but more slinky and minimal and deco geometric with high-hemmed satin slip dresses and tastefully well-placed rhinestones and feathers. that's the kind of designer i am, i'd be a horrible person to have make a drag queen's dresses: i always stop before it gets to be too much.

speaking of, i should tell you what the drag shows are like here in morgantown. or maybe you can guess.

xoxo
pj
posted by bruce at 6:09 PM

well, i have a few minutes and so i'm checking in to say howdy.

so the first is up and running, and it is gosh-darned cute, and we are putting the finishing touches on the next show, "smoky joe's cafe."

now. lots of singing, lots of dancing, but it takes place over the 50's and 60's, and like i said earlier this is an easy period to do- hell, there are plenty of patterns one can find that are being reprinted, and you can also always just go to a vintage store and buy something. that is, unless you have an extra large actress. an extra extra large actress. then it gets complicated.

there are no size 32 women's patterns, at least i don't think so. look at it this way: somebody with delta burke's body is like a 20 or 22, thereabouts. not huge, just pretty short and plump. okay. so a size 32 is a specialty pattern and garment. now times that amount of fabric and labor by 4, as that's how many costumes she wears, and you see the work. something i didn't realize before: one actress (and i must interject that this one is a great girl, lots of fun, amazingly talented, etc. etc. - i don't have a damn thing against her, but i wanted to let you non-stitchers know what we are talking about here, work wise and materials) can set us back 3 or 4 days, because you have to draft a pattern from her measurements, which takes time and skill, and then make a mock-up out of cheap material to fit on her before you start cutting the good fabric. then there are copious fittings and re-fittings, and then you are done. meanwhile you have a whole bunch of other people to take care of that you haven't because you have focused on this one girl.

now, that's just the way it is, it's not a big deal, it happens. but this has been a real lesson in what a set of specialty garments can do to a budget or a time constraint or one's sanity. we've used over 60 yards of fabric and half our budget for all of this (just her things), multiple spools of thread, etc. etc. and boy have i learned a lot about the basic mechanics and protocol of budgeting and constructing. another bonus: the actress has been a dream to work for too, no big crazy neuroses, no diva fits, no freaky actressy shit for us to deal with. she's a big girl, she knows it, she makes no excuses or apologies, she shows up on time and is enthusiastic, and lets us fiddle with her. thank god for that. one of her castmates was observed throwing a hissy fit and throwing her keys on a desk and storming out of a meeting... and honey, we aren't paid enough to deal with that shit. i almost hope she crosses me so i can let her know just how her things will fit if she acts the fool. (why i sound like a black woman there i don't know)

this west virginia thing is turning out alright, you know? i'm really getting a lot of skills and know-how; and i'm getting paid for it. whoopee!

p.s. a set of drapes takes less than 10 yards, and take no time to cut out. do the math.

rotsa ruv!
me
posted by bruce at 12:52 PM

tonight is the opening night of show #1, "forever plaid."

here is the official page of the show (from the new york cast, i guess), and it all sounds gee-whizzingly quaint and charming. i haven't seen any of it yet, as i don't like going to dress rehearsals unless i absolutely have to or i am designing the show and am expected to. when i acted i always wished people wouldn't come to our last rehearsals, because they were always horrific and tramautizing, and in no way reflected what the show was going to end up being like.

from where i sit right now in the lobby of the institution-style apartments i am living in i can see various cast and crew members scurrying in and out, bustling and cursing, trying to get to where they need to be when they need to be there... i'm glad we had it so easy on this one, as costuming the last 50 years is fairly simple... the 40's for women get tougher, but the 50's are a cinch. hell, you can just buy a simplicity pattern and make a damn petticoat. stick a poodle on a skirt and presto! you're edith head!

(and if you haven't read her breezy log-roller autobiography "dress doctor," you should. it's ridiculously complementary to her favorite stars and her studio. and who knew she was from a mining family in nevada?)

anyway, i'm off to shower, shave, and shit. the three s's, as my dad would say. showtime is an hour away and i don't have a thing to wear- literally. i need to do laundry. it's like i'm a freshman in college again, with my messy stinky-feeted roommates and all. but fun. i guess.

p.s. did i tell you i'm lonely, by the way? well i am. i miss my dog and my husband. sometimes in that order, sometimes not.

xoxo
me

xoxo
posted by bruce at 5:41 PM

west virginia mountain mama

well.

when last we spoke i was preparing to go to sleep, as the girls with the car were going to be at the apartment at 5 in the morning, and we would make our merry way on to (of all the roundabout places) tulsa.

so.

they show up to get me in a teeny tiny little kia sportage, and as they are girls, they have packed their entire houses in to body-bag-sized duffel bags. the plan is that i will somehow cram into the front seat (and if you'd like to get a sense of my...largeness, click on the "who am i?" link at left) and someone will lie on top of the luggage, one side of their body pressed into the ceiling of the car. that's right, no rearview mirror access, no blind spot access, and all while driving overnight in a teensy tin flip-over-prone deathtrap.

amazed at their goofy girly "pack the whole fucking apartment" ways, i back out. on the spot. i had gone into the house to get my pillow and then got the the bright idea to look up bus fares on greyhound. they were cheap, and so i told the girls to go without me. they bid me adieu, i went back into the house and went to sleep; oh, but first i called my mom and told her i could go with her to dallas and get her moved in to her new place. she was ecstatic, as i knew she would be, as she is moving away from our hometown for the first time in nearly 30 years and is starting over with a new house, career, and life. and single, too. so i knew she would need a little moral support, and thanks to the overstuffed kia i now had the chance to assuage a little mommy-induced guilt about not being able to help her move. so.

she picked me up and off we drove. we had a great visit in the car and 4 hours later arrived at her new place, which was/is pretty humble and in need of a major fix-up. luckily, my mom is excellent at these sorts of challenges, somehow charming anyone and everyone to help her knock out walls and re-wire rooms cheaply and quickly. that girl has skills at making dumpy houses into dreamy digs. and so it went, for three days we worked and worked on that little house, i tore down cabinets and bric-brac trim and yucky blinds and treatments, she called utilites and wrote checks. and then that wednsday her blood pressure spiked and i had to rush her to the emergency room. she had had a combination blood-pressure/panic-attack, and she got woozy and her vision was blurry. it finally hit home for her, i think: she was on her own, for the first time in forever. new bank account, bills, address, phone, etc. and nobody, not even someone she didn't like, lived in her house with her. in a town 11 hours north of our family home.

well, she was fine. checked her out and got her to bed. but it scared the fuck out of me. it was the first "old lady" thing she has done around me, the first illness i'd seen. and this is on the heels of seeing, for the first time, my grandmother use her respirator one evening after dinner. it shook me up, anyway. guess what? the two women i love the most will one day die. hadn't thought about it, but i got a double-dose this last month. anyway, everybody is fine.

friday morning my friend steven took me to the greyhound terminal in downtown dallas. it was 8:45. we said goodbyes, and went and stood in what would be the first of many tedious and confusing lines. we were herded out to the buses and made to line up squeezed between two of them, getting our belongings filthy from road dirt and nearly choking on the exhaust fumes and gas smell. finally we were allowed on, and i got my own seat.

i'd like to tell you the whole story, but it's too long. i had every intention of describing every freaky traveller, every loud-mouthed white trash drunk, every gutter-talking single mom, every american stereotype that somehow ended up on the series of never-ending buses that i was trapped on for 33 hopeless hours. the smells, the sights, all of them burned into me forever. it was truly unpleasant and somewhat traumatic. i heard the words "fuck" and "shit" and "nigger" used so many times in that two days that they seemed to become normal conversation, like how one would talk to the president or the queen. like the lexicon had changed, and that there were new rules to follow, and the world was run by rednecks and welfare frauders. god, it was horrible. but i'm not telling the story.

so i finally arrived late that saturday.

it's great here, i like my job, and i like my roommates. this is like summer camp for grown ups, only there is the usual pointless high-drama bullshit that comes inevitably with big groups of theatre people. ::sigh:: how i hate that. already reputations are being trashed, gossip is being spread, crew heads are dissing other departments, etc. etc., and so i'm back to a new normal again. only this one is run by homosexuals and fuelled by petty jealousy and neurotic insecurity.

and so it goes.

i've missed you guys, and if you are in the neighborhood drop me a line! i'll see you new yorkers in a few months, and be prepared:

i'll need to get laid.

xoxo
pj
posted by bruce at 12:38 PM

so the bags are packed.

it's late, i'm tired, and i have to goodbye-screw my boyfriend.

i want to go to bed, as the girls will be here to get me at 5 a.m.

i'm just moved in, and now i'm leaving for 3 months.

i'm tired.

::yawn::

i'll keep you all updated as to where i am over the next week when i can get access... but i'll be on the road until next saturday- i think tulsa oklahoma is stop number one. see? hi-glamour.

i'll miss you guys, and send me an email!

okay, i have to try and make this thing stick up.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

pj
posted by bruce at 12:49 AM

ah, j.go... how do i love thee? let me count the ways...

::sigh::

(stares dreamily at the computer screen, wishing i was in maine...)
posted by bruce at 11:07 PM

THANK YOU SUGARDADDY!

now:

WHO ARE YOU? WHO DO I SEND MY X'S AND O'S TO?
posted by bruce at 9:47 AM

since last we spoke:

i've packed my house, and have started bringing boxes over to will's apartment.

i've made willy get rid of stuff.

i had a little pre-garage-sale viewing for friends and made $200.00.

i drove 5 hours to my mother's house and swapped my new bed set for her tulip table and windsor chairs (the air-con in the truck died during this trip. it was 90+ degrees. i was a tad... er... irritated).

i had the actual garage sale this morning, and made another $225.00. lots of homos came, and how happy they were to discover that i was letting the antiques go for next to nothing. i feel free, and lighter. i'm glad to be rid of it all. and what a great excuse to clean out the attic. found two things i'd forgotten about, sprayed them with pledge, re-glued some joints, and made another $30. thank god i went up there!

i've priced storage units, which i hate, because if only we had a utility closet here at the apartment we'd be okay. but no. and we have so many cute christmas ornaments that they have to go somewhere. hi, i'm a homosexual.

i've received a gifty-poo from aldo, and now will be sending him my end of the bargain... thanks baby! i love love love the cd's! maybe i'll stop through indiana on roadtrip 2002 now. have a drinky poo, maybe.

i have fallen in love with that new no doubt song, "hella good." it makes me wet, i adore it.

and there you have it.

my husband is in las vegas at a bachelor party. i hope some hooker is lap dancing on him right this minute. me, i'm headed for the shower. i stink, and not in the good way, beau.

as always,
xoxoxoxo


posted by bruce at 4:33 PM

hang on now, meet my heart

well, i certainly apologize for the lack of updates this last week, but after the veritable link-fest of last thursday's post i had to take a little breaky-poo; suddenly a week had gone by... and besides, i'm busy busy busy, getting my place in order for the garage sale of the century on saturday. which i'm not looking forward to, actually. hmm.

one of the ways in which i am facilitating the eventual move to new york city is that i am getting rid of most everything i own. oh sure, the slipper chairs and bauhaus plates and parsons table are staying put; i mean, i'm a dizzy queen sometimes but i'm not crazy. but the lifetime of cards and notes and ticket stubs and sea shells and dried corsages and lucky underwear? it all has to go. and so, i'm divorcing myself from the sentimentality of my things, i'm making sure that there is nothing left to tug at my heartstrings or make my eyes mist up or, most importantly, keep me grounded and rooted in a place or situation i want desperately out of.

for the last 5 years i have exclusively bought music from my high school days, obsessively stockpiling multiple imports and ebay-finds of the likes of kajagoogoo and toni basil. i mean, why? because there is one extra mix, or a b-side? nope. because truly they go unlistened to. i downloaded thousands of mp3s, so that i might make dream compilations of hard to find esoterica (like: did you know there are more than 8 mixes of the frankie goes to hollywood never-was-a-hit "watching the wildlife"? i have almost all of them, inexplicably) that thus far have only gathered dust on a shelf by the computer. what am i stockpiling for? the great "synthpop dearth" that nostradamus predicted? i don't think so. and yet, i keep downloading and burning, cataloguing and filing. it's tedious.

i wonder if all this looking backward is to keep me in my comfort zone. the first time i went to college, and subsequently foundered and wasted everybody's time and money, i was probably at my most happy. which, if you think about it, is fairly pathetic. i don't want to have to look back on my early twenties as the best time of my life; and yet i do, i think. back then i found out things about myself daily, learned about men and women and love and sex, i made my own little home and had my own friends and my own little chosen family and i drank and smoked and drugged and fucked and i was so completely me, and all that music was the soundtrack. and now, years and years later, i'm just beginning a new life; i have a career, i have prospects, i have a long-time mate, i'm moving out of this city soon, and finally all the way to nyc one day... i'm caring about my looks and body again, i'm interested in hobbies and most importantly i'm wanting to draw and paint and record and write and create. it has been a long hard road, and i wish i felt comfortable enough to tell all of you how i devolved the way i did. how i became who i did, and why this rebirth has come at such a hard price. at any rate, i need some new music.

anyway.

everything must go. i slough off this skin, this cloying and sticky nostalgia, this ultimately melancholy retrospection of better days. it only embitters me, and that's not who i am anymore. goodbye love notes from former girl (and boy) friends. goodbye "get well" cards from the time i broke my leg 13 years ago. goodbye menu from the dinner i ate with the guy i was hung up on when i was 22, and whose face i can now barely remember.

and most importantly, goodbye to you, bad karma. you served me well when i needed someone or something to blame for my fat scary life. but really, now: fuck off.

all this from wrapping glasses and dishes in newspaper. who knew?

xoxo
pj
posted by bruce at 10:04 PM

'til i'm out of breath, i love you to death

well.

yesterday was the final for the class i am t.a.-ing, and it went well. i kept them all on a schedule so that everyone got to present with the same amount of time, and everybody had to stay for everybody else's presentation. this is different from the midterm, as people left when they felt like it, making the last few students present to an empty room after sitting through everybody else's. so i sat in front of the door, and let nobody out. i'm quite a doorstop.

so anyway. feeling sort of martha stewart-ish i did something i never ever ever do. i went to a craft and hobby store. i stay away from such places, as i hate puff-painted t-shirts and i despise toaster covers crocheted to look like debutante dolls. you know the type of woman that lives at stores like this. too much time on her hands, so she has this neurotic and obsessive need to make every surface in her home "pretty." yech. the bile rises in my throat.

well, i was bored. i went in. and walked out with a soap-making kit, soap molds, microwaveable soap bits, fragrances, colors, etc. what have i become? so i made some soaps last night, and they were horrible. stunk, had weird consistencies, etc. my dreams of boutique soaps wrapped in plain brown paper, so chic in their simplicity, were dashed. but then a bar came out right: a bar i colored tan with pekoe tea, and that has honey and oatmeal and almond meal in it. and oh, how luxurious it is! for fun, i made another with powdered goat's milk in it, giving it a sweet smell much like the kiel's scrub i adore. well, i'm allergic to goat cheese in real life, so i probably should not have washed my face with this. alas, i'm a little broken out today. actually I'M HIDEOUS, DON'T LOOK AT ME!

okay, it's not as bad as all that. but i am a little zit-ty today. i blame the soap. i'm not giving up though, i'm going to color a bar a nice dark violet and pump it full of rosemary and tea tree essential oil. it'll be an eye-opener, so to speak, so i'll keep it away from any tender orifices.

this morning i watched the village people's fabulous/horrific "can't stop the music" on dvd. not a lot of extras, just a fairly candid bio of the band and the history of the movie. poor deluded allan carr, thinking himself invincible after his juggernaut "grease." ah well. hubris, the greeks called it. this thing is a horror show, what with the bad script, the bad acting, and the bad music. but i mean bad in a good way, you know? valerie perrine is so...so... ripe in this. like an ageing southern peach! and steve guttenberg, the only cast member who survives this wreckage and has a career in the '80's, armpit-sweats a lot. bruce jenner looks positively faggy in his short jean cutoffs and half-t, but what a body! and the village people themselves, well, they try. they really do. don't be put off by the last minute replacement for the original cop, he's not too bad. and the supporting cast: ugh. june havoc, barbara rush, and tammy grimes? it's night of the living dead b-movie style! although marilyn sokol as lulu is by far the most irritating presence here, directed to leer and wink suggestively with every line she says and at every man she sees. you know, the man-hungry new york "ethnic" type that was so popular in the '70's as comic relief. always playing the wacky or horny best friend, i can see her backing up circa '70's goldie hawn or marsha mason. oh wait, she did. in "foul play" and "the goodbye girl." throw in wife-of-sammy-davis altovise davis for some local er...color, and you've got a low-rent c-list party!

this whole mess is directed with little subtlety or skill, which is no surprise, as it was directed by first time (and last time) director nancy walker, who is most famous for being rhoda morgenstern's brassy mother ida. or maybe you know her for her stint as rosie, the waitress who is always on hand to wipe up spills with her quicker-picker-upper paper towel, bounty. at any rate, nobody could have saved this disaster. it's fabulous though, as you can imagine. if you haven't seen it, by all means check it out. and the new dvd release means that it's readily available and remastered and easy on the eyes. i cranked up the stereo and sang loudly along with one of my all-time favorite songs, "i love you to death," sung in mock-macho style by the simpering construction worker, david. it's amazing. lots of s&m "solid gold"-style dancing with lots of red spandex and rayon and glitter. and an industrial set that looks to be falling apart, given the jerky movements of a bunch of pipes at one point. oh! and don't blink or you'll miss billy idol's ex, perri lister. this sequence is my favorite for many reasons, but her "look over your shoulder and scowl at the camera" talents are priceless. it's supposed to be decadent, in that late-70's helmut newton bondage eurotrash way, but it's all pretty silly, really.

and don't get me started on "the milk shake," the milk commercial the boys do with a legion of dancers and white balloons... theoni aldredge should have won an oscar for her costumes, they are so gleefully tacky! just rent the movie. really, rent it. and how did the opening theme ("the sound of the city") not get trotted out last year during all that "rah rah new york" business? it's perfect! i'm not being ironic here. it blows "new york, new york" out of the water! it's catchy, campy, and fully orchestrated! i bet bill at mermaniac knows what i mean.

anyway, check it out.

oh, and when you are feeling blue or unsure of yourself, remember this quote from the motorcycle-riding village person glenn hughes:

"leathermen don't get nervous. leathermen don't get nervous."

(naturally, someone answers "yes they do." i'd like to think some clone queen strapped into a sling at the "meathook" with his ass crammed full of crisco knowingly shook his head in agreement).

oh, and andy: YES, IT WAS ME THAT CALLED YOU. he he he he he heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
posted by bruce at 6:43 PM

so.

this weekend was all about moving and cleaning out and getting rid of; i'm finally moving in with the ball and chain.

in the early days of our relationship he was fairly furniture-deprived, and so i encouraged him to buy some things here and there and develop a sense of personal style. he tentatively bought a few pieces, a few more, a few more, etc. etc. etc. now, jump to the present, and he has an apartment full of furniture, and i have an apartment full of furniture, and we are finally moving in together, and two apartments full of furniture do not magically cram into the same little place. and so we are both making hard decisions about what is staying and going. i will say this: the computer is now on my 30"x70" parsons table, and there is so much room to work now i want to cry. but what to do with the spanish desk it replaced? or the cute wicker cubes that were once end tables, now replaced by the mies van der rohe table? the art nouveau armoire, where is that going? a garage sale. the breuer chair? broken, maybe it's day is through. and what about the '30's school table, now obsolete thanks to my saarninen tulip table... and so we have a load of stuff that we really love, but have to let go. i hate doing this. one day i'll look back on all this and wish i still had this or that, and it'll be long gone. ah well, it's only stuff, not a cure for cancer.

this move comes as i am preparing to leave for the summer, and it also coincides with our 5th anniversary. that's right, 5 years. which, like dog years, is 35 gay years. who knew?

my mother has been in town a lot, as her house in the valley sold and she has been commuting(!) to her doctoral program in north texas, which is an insane 11 hour drive. weekly. so she stops here in austin as the half-way point and rests for a night and drives on the next day. well, it's all over soon. she bought a house just north of dallas in a sleepy little lakeside community, and has big plans for her new little house. she is amazing this way, and can take the saddest, plainest house and make it cute and snazzy. i got some of this from her, thankfully. i'll post some before and after pictures of the place i'm leaving soon, i just have to get all that fixed over at angelfire.

anyway. she will be moved in soon, i'll be moved in soon, and then i'm gone. she is taking some of my furniture as well, as she likes my stuff and we have been trading pieces back and forth for 15 years now. she is moving on with her life, husband or no husband, and living outside of our hometown for the first time in 35 years. goodbye, rio grande valley! it was a nice hundred years for our family, but you are too hot and too crowded and you look like a strip-mall now. adios, meximerica! i'll miss you!

::sigh::

i'll blog one day about growing up as a blond gringo in the mexican culture, so steeped in the latin american culture my whole life that i feel physical pain at the thought of the last of my family leaving our south texan roots behind. que lastima, pero tenemos que dejar.

::sigh::

we went and saw spiderman yesterday, and despite some overwrought cgi effects i thoroughly enjoyed it. spiderman is so...new york, you know? people sniffled through some emotional parts of the movie, and i'd like to think it wasn't the sappy script that got to me, that perhaps it was the collective sorrow that we non-new yorkers all still have about last year and what happened. it's like a bruise that won't go away, always tender, a dull ache in a limb. the movie was so much about the architecture of new york, about the people, about moving to the big hard city to make a go of it, and then having the city get your back when you are in trouble and need help. it was inspiring in a way that sam raimi may or may not have intended, and for me it was yet one more nudge to get my ass in gear and get moved up there. thanks spiderman!

time to get dressed and get going on the packing, and then off to work. i close "coriolanus" this weekend, and then have my garage sale the week after, and then go see my mom and help her pack down south the weekend after. and then i finish moving into willy's and then i'm gone. what a month. what a summer it will be.

what a life i will have!

xoxo
pj

p.s. that devo megamix thingy i put together last month that i was so proud of and that was the talk of the online devodork community has popped up without my assistance on audiogalaxy- thankfully, it is credited to me (bruisermix), but i can't help but feel a little twinge of regret. i mean, it's my baby. i want everyone to hear it, but want to protect it too. someone chose to distribute it to the millions of people who use audiogalaxy, and so the decision was made for me, you know? well, it's too late now, enjoy! enjoy!

posted by bruce at 9:00 AM

BRUCEHOAX SUMMER ROAD TRIP 2002 ITINERARY:

may 31: go to dallas and see pet shop boys live on the 1st
june 2: travel to oklahoma to see some relative of one of the girls i'm travelling with, and then make memphis by that evening.
june 3: go to graceland! and then haul ass to atlanta, georgia!
june 4-6: hang out in atlanta with the father of the other girl i'm travelling with.
june 7: drive north to lovely morgantown, west virginia. set up shop and meet my fellow workers and staff.
june 8-august 11: work work work, putting on chestnut musicals for the hillbillys.
august 12: hitch a ride to pittsburgh, and then a bus to new york city. or hitch a ride to new york, whatever. i'm game.
august 12-august 19: new york city and thereabouts. i might be tempted to take a train to boston if someone volunteers to put me up for a few nights. that means you, ron.
august 20: take a bus, a train, whatever is cheapest really, to chicago.
august 21-? hang out in chicago for a few days, and then figure out how i'm getting back to dallas.
august 2? arrive in dallas. my boyfriend takes me back to austin at some point too.

whoopee! anyone want to see me? have a drink with me? eh? eh? let me know, just clicky clicky on the link at the left and drop me a line.

xoxo
pj
posted by bruce at 11:13 PM

well, i was in dallas doing the mid-run check-up on "coriolanus," and it's looking great (this review not withstanding, and yep, i'm mentioned by name; not too flatteringly, i might add, but there is previous bad blood here between this group of actors and this reviewer. it's a pretty funny story, but alarming... she has it in for this particular company, and really she didn't get the play or the concept, and it's obvious in her review. i'm fine, really), and now i'm about to get dressed and go teach again. last week the professor i t.a. for was out and so i taught all of her classes, which i thoroughly enjoyed. the end.

you see? i don't blog recently because my life has taken on a pleasant sort of predictable sameness. i worry about money, just like always. i think about my gut, just like always, i read emails, just like always. i count down the days until 4 devo dvds are released. same old same old. nothing terribly exciting, and so i don't bother to tell you all. do you care? i mean, we have all read blogs where it's just a tedious recount of the mundane events of the blogger's day (present company included) and wondered why the hell we should even care... unless of course we are all actually friends through this anonymous medium- uh oh, big thoughts and concepts brewing here... but i'm chickening out, i'm not able to blog about it right now. i'm in a hurry, sort of. oh, okay. i just don't want to blog about it.

i'm listening to shirley bassey right now, and life is nice. her "spinning wheel" is almost as good as the original. almost.

um. sorry for the randomness of all this. i'm thinking about other things. money. my gut. the 4 devo dvds. etc. etc. etc.

oh, and here's a review of coriolanus, and another, and another which is from an archive and you have to pay for the full review (but suffice to say it was great), and a piece from the gay rag where my director takes credit for my designs. yep.

actually, while my designs were mentioned frequently, my concepts and my color and fabric choices, my name was not. ho hum. there's no glory behind the scenes.
and when i am mentioned it's not so good. sheesh!

this blog today has no point, or theme, or anything. sorry.
posted by bruce at 10:48 AM

so tonight i'm walking that endless boring fucking track and i'm going around and around and around the same fucking field and i'm listening to the rhythmic pounding of the "das testament des mabuse" mix by propaganda that i burned last weekend and all these other joggers and walkers are walking around me and at one weird moment during the "sell him your soul! sell him your soul!" chant in the remix everybody magically syncs up to the drum machine beat and the light hits the track right and shadows are cast vaguely dramatically and suddenly i'm one of the shuffling masses in that fritz lang film "metropolis" underground with all my dirty worker fellow citizens and we are marching out this exhausting pounding beat and it is sung by a woman with a german accent and i forget that i'm just another fat guy trying to drop his post-depression weight gain in a city that he hates and wishing, hoping, thinking, and praying (yep, that's a dusty springfield reference; bonus homo points to you) that all the plans he's hatched to get out of here and leave all this behind will actually come true oh god give me the strength to see all these schemes through oh god please help me help myself get the fuck out of texas and make good on the promise and talent that people have been telling me my whole life i have but i have not had the balls to trust and attempt something wonderful and amazing oh god this is really it yes really it is really it is really it is.

you get a little light-headed huffing and puffing, you understand.
posted by bruce at 10:36 PM

lately this blog is all about music. cd track lists abound, and i'm talking about some group or another.

but music was my life when i was a kid, and a teenager, and while my impulsive music buying has cooled as i get older (mostly due to the cost of new cds, or the lack of any actual spending money) i still like to discover new bands and new music and feel 14 or 15 again. bopping along to fischerspooner, or the adult, felix da housecat, etc. etc.

yep, i like that electro. and by the way: did you know that there is an ultimate electro site? well, it's right here. the author has gone to a lot of trouble, what with the endless lists and recording data, and the sound clips and rankings... a must-see, if you like that sort of thing. and it's old school/new school, which is great if you want to find a new cd or group to listen to.

anyway, indulge the music mania because i'm really feeling 14 or 15 again, as is evidenced by the new 2-cd set i made this weekend:

das testament des propaganda
cd one:
dream within a dream (u.s. version)/bejewelled/the lesson/(echo of) frozen faces/p:machinery (passive)/duel (bittersweet)/femme fatale (the woman with the orchid)/the 9th life of dr. mabuse/jewel (cut rough)/p:machinery (polish)/das testament des mabuse

cd two:
the last word/strength to dream/p:machinery (beta wraparound)/frozen faces 12"/murder of love (beloved bootleg mix)/the 13th life of dr. mabuse/p:machineryfrozenfaces (razormaid mix)/der spieler...an international incident/lied/dream within a dream (extended)/p:machinery - the adventure continues ('95)

whoooowheee, i'm a sucker for all things trevor horn and ztt. and ztt have a propaganda archive cd set coming out, hot on the heels of last year's f.g.t.h. collection. of course i'll get it. i burn and buy, burn and buy.

one of my favorite music reads is ice magazine. it has a pretty damn accurate listing of new releases, new vault releases, re-issues, etc. it is published online on the first of every month. you can't read all the articles online, but the release lists are open to the public. i obsessively visit every at the beginning of the month and discover all sorts of fabulous odds and ends: plasmatics "coup de grace," jane siberry's new anthology "love is everything," xtc's "coat of many cupboards,"ann-margret "two-fer" collections, etc. etc. it gives you something to live for, knowing the "the essential collection" for howard jones is coming. well, it does me. sad.

one might also check out lexicon magazine. sadly, it is no longer published in magazine form, but the online format ensures that the news posted will be very current. i go here to read all about the latest exploits of my favorite forgotten new wave artists, like the human league (who will be on tour this winter with kim wilde, altered images, and visage - wow! steve strange is not dead!) and men without hats (who have been recording a new album for what seems like 5 or 6 years now. oh, wait. it has been that long). you know me, can't shake the new wave disease. "shake the disease"?

see? i did it again.

oh, before i forget: i must mention my three favorite recent searches in my referral log, from good to best:

"she+is+a+horny"

"natalie+maines+melting" er, nope. just the opposite, really.

"people+dressed+like+shakespeare+fucking+pics"
well, this was the best i could do for you, freaky.

alright, off to have a wank.

xoxo

posted by bruce at 10:07 AM

woe to you, o earth and sea; for the devil sends the beast with wrath

i'm making a junior high era heavy metal cdr, and here are some of the songs i'm milling through:

ac/dc: back in black, for those about to rock
accept: balls to the wall
black sabbath: mob rules
blue oyster cult: burnin' for you, fire of unknown origin
def leppard: fooling, photograph, rock of ages
iron maiden: run to the hills, number of the beast
judas priest: breaking the law, screaming for veneance, you got another thing coming
kiss: lick it up (well, you didn't expect "mr. blackwell" from "music from the elder" did you?)
krokus: screaming in the night
motley crue: live wire, looks that kill, shout at the devil, too fast for love
ozzy osbourne: crazy train, flying high again
queensryche: queen of the ryche
quiet riot: cum on feel the noize
ratt: round and round (all time fave)
scorpions: blackout, can't live without you, no one like you, rock you like a hurricane

woo! rock out with your cock out motherfuckers!

posted by bruce at 4:07 PM

so.

tasteful new colors!

but it's just ruined by that horribly garish ad banner above, isn't it?

i'm finally going to have to break down and get rid of it.

unless one of my kind and generous readers does it first, anonymously...


posted by bruce at 12:41 PM

to sir, with love

recently, because of various personal tragedies (death in the family, health emergencies, sick relatives) the professor that i am a teacher's assistant for has had to take a lot of breaks from teaching and has frequently let me teach the class in her place... and lately it's not just passing out papers and grading tests, but actually teaching. yesterday i led an hour long session where people brought their design projects up to the front of the class and i coaxed some explanations and ideas out of them. people who never talk in class suddenly came alive, and wanted to share and respond to the assignment. i was encouraging, and praised extravagantly, and put a few of them on the spot with questions about choices, colors, etc.... and they loved it.

granted, it's a small class: 15 people. but they are theater students, so they are a bit hard to entertain for an hour and a half, and there's the inevitable few who need lots of attention and cut up too much or go too far with wisecracks and asides. you know the type. cease to be funny and cute 15 minutes in. but maybe because i was something new for a change they listened, and we laughed a lot, and shared ideas, and got a lot of good work done.

it reminded me why i want to teach someday, because i'm a good teacher. i know when people are bored, or want to move on, or need that extra something to push them along. none of these kids want to be designers, this course is required. a few can barely draw stick figures. but i've managed to let them know there are untapped talents in all of them, and they push on and try their best. it's inspiring. the design finals are going to be amazing, i can feel it.

i also, having taken this same class as a student last year, know what the instructor wants to see and likes to have included with the final projects. and so i showed my "a+" project from last year and clued them in to some helpful hints and quickie "fixes" to fill things out a bit when they turn all of their designs and research in soon. they appreciated the heads up. i also showed them my great-grandmother's well-worn 1903 copy of "the wizard of oz," which got the appropriate ooohs and aaaahs; it's a hundred year old book, with original plates. (and yes, this book had everything to do with the project, although at one point as i stood in front of the class flipping pages for them to see i felt a tad second grade show and tell). all left with smiles, and good ideas, and most importantly an enthusiasm for the task at hand.

this comes on the heels of the class i taught the day before where a student told me that he had learned more that day than the entire semester. and after my costume shop supervisor pulled me aside and told me that three of the students had commented to her that they wished i taught that class all the time. i sigh and smile with happiness.

what it boils down to is that i will be a teacher, someday. this week was just a reminder, to let me know i'm on the right track. i'll work for 10-15 years in the business and then find some good-sized private college in the north east and live out the rest of my days in a quaint little shaker house with wood plank floors and a big herb garden out back.

and a houseboy or two.

xoxo
pj

p.s. in case you are interested:
weight this time last year: 300
weight one month ago: 289
duration of exercise, and quitting junk food: 3 weeks
weight now, for the first time in 3 years: 277
chin: apparent
the weight is falling off me, but girl i'm working my ass off.

posted by bruce at 9:29 AM

my "burn baby" cup runneth over!

thanks to max for his excellent "sun" themed disc, i've meant to post how much i like it, but have been too distracted- so many great songs! and i have never heard marc et claude's version of "i need your loving" and it's faboo... my husband loves this cd, it's right up his alley, and he was so happy to hear berri's "sunshine after the rain"... thanks! mine is on it's way as of this morning.

i have not had a chance to listen to my grabbingsand cd yet, but it's next on the list- i mean... nu shooz? in their actual words, "i can't wait." yippeeee! one of my faves from the '80's, and not just because my horrible cover band did a version of it, complete with vocal samples and drum machine hand claps. oh, those were the days. i was actually called "faggot" from the crowd one time. how did they know?

and thank you to mr. yeany himself for a stupendous cdr, and a steamy cover, and the sweet note enclosed. i love that hunka hunka burning lerv like a sister.

keep 'em coming, and thanks for the great stuff so far! unfortunately, mine are absolutely lacking in fancy covers or packaging... although one of you did get some glitter applied to an insert, so enjoy that. but i'm no good with the photo shop, and i don't have cd packaging software. ho hum. but my songs sure are great!

oh well. i hope my enthusiasm cancels out my lackluster packaging...although i think pictures from the enquirer are excellent cd covers, in a post-modern ironic 1980's nihilist pulp culture junkie sort of way. that was a mouthful.

hey, that's what he said!

get it?

a mouthful!

um.

er.

::thud::
posted by bruce at 9:00 PM

welcome to the real world, pj.

this morning i'm grading papers.

i actually have to go to the store real quick to buy a red pen, i don't have one.

i've become my worst nightmare.

he he he ;-)
posted by bruce at 8:02 AM

well, here's my burn baby burn track list... it's late sunday, i can't keep it a top secret anymore. what's the theme here?

bruce baby, burn:
summer's cauldron/grass - xtc
summer samba - ramsey lewis
hot hot summer - sugarhill gang
my sweet summer suite - barry white
summer of love (summer party mix) - b-52's
celebrate summer - t.rex
summertime blues - blue cheer
summer in the city - tim curry
like a summer rain - ladybug transistor
summer wine - nancy sinatra and lee hazlewood
electric music and the summer people - beck
summer love - dusty springfield
hissing of summer lawns - joni mitchell
summer madness - kool and the gang
green leaves of summer - mahalia jackson
summer kisses, winter tears - julee cruise
hot fun in the summertime - sly and the family stone
theme from "a summer place" - henry mancini

oh yes. it's that good.

gets a little dark about halfway through, but then you get your sweet soul redemption courtesy of mr. sly stone, in one of my all-time favorite singles. ALL TIME.

enjoy, they are going out tomorrow morning on the way to work.

and thanks to chris and max for the fun!

xoxo







posted by bruce at 11:21 PM

i am very fond of the "makes no sense" mix tape. or cd. i like to throw a whole bunch of stuff on a cd, so that it not only amazes but perplexes. that being said, right now, i'm compiling songs for a mix cdr to exercise to, songs that are all-time favorites that i know from my youth, or remember from the radio, or just adore but don't want the whole album. so far:

the guess who "undone"
rolling stones "too much blood" 12" mix
naked eyes "two heads together"
nico "these days"
village people "sound of the city" and "action man"
divine "the name game"
gerry rafferty "baker street" (one of my all time favorite songs. no, really)
heart "magic man" (ditto)
genesis "no reply at all"
the turtles "so happy together"
rupert holmes "widescreen" (barbra's version is certainly more histrionic, but rupert's original is sad and subdued and wonderful)
linda ronstadt "different drum" (reminds me of my dad)
strawberry alarm clock "barefoot in baltimore"
the moody blues "the voice"
billie trix "run girl run" (from psb's "c2h")

etc. etc.

it doesn't make much sense, and yet, it does. puts a smile on my face just thinking about it.

now, my burn baby burn mix cd has the inevitable "summer" motif, but there are some surprises on it. i guess i need to get my ass to the post office and get them in the mail!

hmmm. what else.

oh, i started speed walking and doing crunches. expect a more streamlined brucehoax in the future. it's time to feel cute again, because i'm back to feeling worthy and talented again. and so it goes.

xoxo




posted by bruce at 11:15 AM

ATTENTION DEVO GEEKS!

i did this megamix in what little free time i had recently. it is called a "bruisermix," as that is what i call these things when i do them every now and then.

there are 14 or 15 devo songs here, can you name 'em all?

(this is *the* download burning up the bandwidth at devodork newsgroups and talk sites, i'm briefly famous for my devo geekiness).

p.s. i am a proud devodork.
posted by bruce at 9:49 PM

okay, so it's wednesday.

and how are you all?

i've got so much to say that i can't post it all. but to sum up: the show is a success, my design is mentioned in the dallas morning news (though not my name- damn!), i bought a used '95 isuzu truck, i took off about 5 pounds (more to come: it's actually happening, finally. i'm worth cuteness again. ugh, talk to my shrink), i'm taking that job in west virginia for the summer, so area bloggers watch out!

i doubt you want a day by day recap of driving around to fabric stores or being hunkered down over a sewing machine for hours, so i'll just let you know that the work was hard and tedious but totally worth it. i can't say that about the show i did in november where i quit sleeping and cried all the time. no, this one worked like it's supposed to: generous co-creators, plenty of time, talented cast and crew, etc. it makes me want to do this sort of artsy work more and more. i don't want to take a little high school production of "the crucible" or "our town" now, you know? i want something i can sink my teeth into.

i am 100% ready to get out of austin, and the deadline is december.

but don't be surprised if i visit new york in august and decide not to come home. hey, my stuff will be in storage, you know? hmmm.

okay, time to catch up with you all.

xoxo
posted by bruce at 10:38 AM

I'M NOT DEAD.

but thanks for wondering.

i'm in dallas, putting the finishing touches on "coriolanus," and wishing i could get back home to austin. i've had no internet, no money, and no time for anybody, including my husband and doggy. i know, i know, i suck. i've not even been near a computer for the last week and a half... so bear with me, i'll be back by monday. i promise. i have lots to tell you. i bought a car. i lost some weight. i've done some design work that i am immensely proud of (pics to follow, as soon as i get a link up soon).

life is nice, but i've missed you all terribly. i'm at the computer at the theater right now, and have to dash off as preview night #2 is just about to begin. a full house. and we're sold out tomorrow- i love this work. of course, i wish i was on stage, but i guess i am in a way.

ooh! there's the bell, gotta go.

lotsa luv luv luv.

pj
posted by bruce at 8:09 PM

well, of course i'm doing burn, baby burn, i signed up on monday.

haven't you?
posted by bruce at 1:14 PM

HELLO! HELLO!

as some of you may know, i was in dallas for a week and a half, working working working, and getting over a cold, and doing a little hobknobbing and socializing too.

well. now i'm back. i've been back since sunday, but haven't had a chance to blog at all. and i didn't blog in dallas because my friend's modem or something was acting funny- and let me tell you, i felt like a junkie in withdrawal, i was missing my email and blog so much. and you guys, especially! every day i'd turn on the computer, hoping, praying, that something would have magically fixed and i could get on the internet. but alas. and so when i got home i had a lot to catch up on, and lots to say. now, of course, i've had to time to settle down and not much to say after all. but here's a recap, just the same:

friday, march 8:
run errands, get cats taken care of, leave town. i had woken up with a little sore throat, but thought nothing of it. 4 hours later it's a cold. i'm woozy, and stopped up, and hacking. i go to a production meeting and leave early, as i have a fever. i get into bed, and tell my hosts i'll see them on saturday.

saturday, march 9:
i wake up, feeling like absolute shit. i'm hot, cold, shivery, sweaty, etc. etc. i sleep all day, and then go to a meeting at 3. i come straight home and get into bed. more sleep. some food. more sleep, lots of juice and various home remedies and medicines. the end.

sunday, march 10:
my birthday! and i actually blogged, so go read it below. it was a fine birthday, and i got some books, some gift certificates, and some new cds. perfect. and thanks to all of you who sent me well-wishes, or left comments, or stopped of at the wish list. i felt special and loved. so: great food and company, a trip to the park with all the dogs, and then a great dinner at one of my favorite south american places. yuca, plantains, and black beans for everyone... p.s. i still feel like hell.

monday, march 11:
i feel a lot better. i wake up and start sewing, as i need to have something constructed for the publicity shoot at 6:30. i work on this all day, cranking out little tunic-thingies so the boys will be showing some skin and we'll get the gay crowd in... i mean, whatever works. asses in seats. asses in seats. it's my mantra. i go to the photo shoot, and i've been told the wrong time, and the photographer is antsy and the business manager is pissed. nothing i do or say will not make this seem like my fault, so i just apologize profusely and get to work. it goes well, we do some neat war-paint shots, and it's over. i stay for rehearsal, and then go home at 11.

tuesday, march 12:
willy gets up and packs, he has to fly to north carolina for business. we say goodbyes and i go off to meet friends for lunch. we hang out, talk, shop a tad, and then i go looking at fabrics. i skip rehearsal, and sleep some more. i'm trying to get over this sickness quickly and without the help of a doctor or a prescription. so far, so good. it's really true: rest. just rest. a lot.

wednesday, march 13:
i'm up and feeling excellent. like magic! so off i go to discover the wholesale district in the a really seedy part of town. but oh, the finds! i can't believe the bolts of fabric i'm finding- linens for $2.00 a yard, all colors, weights, etc. etc. and all the warehouses are grouped together for my absolute convenience... so it's a good day of hunting and picking. i don't buy anything though, i'm just looking. i'm holding off purchasing fabric until i get a problem with my design ironed out. so to speak.
that night i cook dinner for my hosts and their neighbors, and this is what i made:

cumin and chili crusted chicken breasts, baked in a tomatillo/lime salsa
black beans flavored with orange juice, beer, and cilantro
cuban style white and yellow rice

oh my god, it was good. after dinner we drank some wine, went over to the neighbors and looked at their new add-on bedroom and bath, and then had some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. full bellies, and a good night's sleep.

thursday, march 14:
i had breakfast with my old roommate, and we laughed and laughed and had a great time. she and i were inseparable for 3 or 4 years, she has since married, and has a very successful theater company in dallas... and she tells me that she and the director i'm working with now are cooking up a plan to put something on this summer for the shakespeare society. this is totally a prestige job, and i'm disappointed to find that they want to use me for the show; because unfortunately, i'll be out of town for two months in june and july. i'll be in virginia at a theater festival, where i'll be asst. designing and helping run the costume shop. the money is fair, but the kicker is that they will pay for my lodgings... anything i make, i keep. i like this. so i won't be in texas for their show, and it's a pisser, because it is right up my alley: shakespeare done in a grand guignol late victorian style, and a show that is always played for tragedy done now very cleverly as a gross-out comedy. god, i wish i was staying. i could probably be in it too, that would rock. oh well. the bright spot: i'm coming to new york after virginia, as i'm a quick train ride away. NEW YORK BLOGGERS GET READY TO SQUIRE ME AROUND TOWN. hee hee hee.

rehearsal that evening was great, etc. etc. i like that cast so freaking much. so talented, and as a bonus, easy on the eyes. as they say.

friday, march 15:
i go shop some more, find some great stuff, but not enough. and i don't want to screw with my aesthetic vision of the show, where everyone is in the same basic costume, same fabric. if i throw in other textures it will stop being about the cast as a "unit machine." it makes sense to me, humor me. i drive out to the airport, get will, and we come back to our host's house. i go straight to a meeting at the theater, and then give a design presentation to the cast and crew. it goes well. that night we go have a good dinner
and then watch a movie about a couple of french homos called "adventures of felix." it's sweet, check it out.

saturday, march 16:
we wake up, friends come over, we go to a few garage sales and poke around back at the warehouses. and then it's time to pack and come back to austin. which we do, in record time. we fall back on the bed when we get home, and are thrilled to be back in our own place. we unpack, chill out, snuggle a little.

sunday, march 17:
as it is my name/patron saint day, we go out boozing. before this, however, i go to the austin record convention, which is one of the biggest record shows in the world and is also the unoffical end of SXSW. i pick up a few devo things i don't have, and come home to get will. he's sulky and broody because he hasn't made plans for the day and is looking to pin his lack of social skills on me. i won't have it. i make some calls, and soon we are meeting people at the irish pub downtown, which is naturally all pandemonium. we run into people we haven't seen in years, and have a blast. later we end up at the leather bar with a group of horny friends, and that's where the story ends. it gets too unseemly after that. suffice to say that i taught my class on monday with a slow throbbing hangover, and i was ache-y and sore in places. yep. places.

and that's where i've been. i'm starting to have the standard bad "i'll never get this show finished" dreams already, and that's unfortunate, because i think i have a hold on it. ah well. what would life be without a little neurotic anxiety? well, what would mine be like, i mean?

xoxo
pj

posted by bruce at 2:10 PM