all neuroses, all the time

Monday, April 29

well, i was in dallas doing the mid-run check-up on "coriolanus," and it's looking great (this review not withstanding, and yep, i'm mentioned by name; not too flatteringly, i might add, but there is previous bad blood here between this group of actors and this reviewer. it's a pretty funny story, but alarming... she has it in for this particular company, and really she didn't get the play or the concept, and it's obvious in her review. i'm fine, really), and now i'm about to get dressed and go teach again. last week the professor i t.a. for was out and so i taught all of her classes, which i thoroughly enjoyed. the end.

you see? i don't blog recently because my life has taken on a pleasant sort of predictable sameness. i worry about money, just like always. i think about my gut, just like always, i read emails, just like always. i count down the days until 4 devo dvds are released. same old same old. nothing terribly exciting, and so i don't bother to tell you all. do you care? i mean, we have all read blogs where it's just a tedious recount of the mundane events of the blogger's day (present company included) and wondered why the hell we should even care... unless of course we are all actually friends through this anonymous medium- uh oh, big thoughts and concepts brewing here... but i'm chickening out, i'm not able to blog about it right now. i'm in a hurry, sort of. oh, okay. i just don't want to blog about it.

i'm listening to shirley bassey right now, and life is nice. her "spinning wheel" is almost as good as the original. almost.

um. sorry for the randomness of all this. i'm thinking about other things. money. my gut. the 4 devo dvds. etc. etc. etc.

oh, and here's a review of coriolanus, and another, and another which is from an archive and you have to pay for the full review (but suffice to say it was great), and a piece from the gay rag where my director takes credit for my designs. yep.

actually, while my designs were mentioned frequently, my concepts and my color and fabric choices, my name was not. ho hum. there's no glory behind the scenes.
and when i am mentioned it's not so good. sheesh!

this blog today has no point, or theme, or anything. sorry.

Wednesday, April 24

so tonight i'm walking that endless boring fucking track and i'm going around and around and around the same fucking field and i'm listening to the rhythmic pounding of the "das testament des mabuse" mix by propaganda that i burned last weekend and all these other joggers and walkers are walking around me and at one weird moment during the "sell him your soul! sell him your soul!" chant in the remix everybody magically syncs up to the drum machine beat and the light hits the track right and shadows are cast vaguely dramatically and suddenly i'm one of the shuffling masses in that fritz lang film "metropolis" underground with all my dirty worker fellow citizens and we are marching out this exhausting pounding beat and it is sung by a woman with a german accent and i forget that i'm just another fat guy trying to drop his post-depression weight gain in a city that he hates and wishing, hoping, thinking, and praying (yep, that's a dusty springfield reference; bonus homo points to you) that all the plans he's hatched to get out of here and leave all this behind will actually come true oh god give me the strength to see all these schemes through oh god please help me help myself get the fuck out of texas and make good on the promise and talent that people have been telling me my whole life i have but i have not had the balls to trust and attempt something wonderful and amazing oh god this is really it yes really it is really it is really it is.

you get a little light-headed huffing and puffing, you understand.

Monday, April 22

lately this blog is all about music. cd track lists abound, and i'm talking about some group or another.

but music was my life when i was a kid, and a teenager, and while my impulsive music buying has cooled as i get older (mostly due to the cost of new cds, or the lack of any actual spending money) i still like to discover new bands and new music and feel 14 or 15 again. bopping along to fischerspooner, or the adult, felix da housecat, etc. etc.

yep, i like that electro. and by the way: did you know that there is an ultimate electro site? well, it's right here. the author has gone to a lot of trouble, what with the endless lists and recording data, and the sound clips and rankings... a must-see, if you like that sort of thing. and it's old school/new school, which is great if you want to find a new cd or group to listen to.

anyway, indulge the music mania because i'm really feeling 14 or 15 again, as is evidenced by the new 2-cd set i made this weekend:

das testament des propaganda
cd one:
dream within a dream (u.s. version)/bejewelled/the lesson/(echo of) frozen faces/p:machinery (passive)/duel (bittersweet)/femme fatale (the woman with the orchid)/the 9th life of dr. mabuse/jewel (cut rough)/p:machinery (polish)/das testament des mabuse

cd two:
the last word/strength to dream/p:machinery (beta wraparound)/frozen faces 12"/murder of love (beloved bootleg mix)/the 13th life of dr. mabuse/p:machineryfrozenfaces (razormaid mix)/der international incident/lied/dream within a dream (extended)/p:machinery - the adventure continues ('95)

whoooowheee, i'm a sucker for all things trevor horn and ztt. and ztt have a propaganda archive cd set coming out, hot on the heels of last year's f.g.t.h. collection. of course i'll get it. i burn and buy, burn and buy.

one of my favorite music reads is ice magazine. it has a pretty damn accurate listing of new releases, new vault releases, re-issues, etc. it is published online on the first of every month. you can't read all the articles online, but the release lists are open to the public. i obsessively visit every at the beginning of the month and discover all sorts of fabulous odds and ends: plasmatics "coup de grace," jane siberry's new anthology "love is everything," xtc's "coat of many cupboards,"ann-margret "two-fer" collections, etc. etc. it gives you something to live for, knowing the "the essential collection" for howard jones is coming. well, it does me. sad.

one might also check out lexicon magazine. sadly, it is no longer published in magazine form, but the online format ensures that the news posted will be very current. i go here to read all about the latest exploits of my favorite forgotten new wave artists, like the human league (who will be on tour this winter with kim wilde, altered images, and visage - wow! steve strange is not dead!) and men without hats (who have been recording a new album for what seems like 5 or 6 years now. oh, wait. it has been that long). you know me, can't shake the new wave disease. "shake the disease"?

see? i did it again.

oh, before i forget: i must mention my three favorite recent searches in my referral log, from good to best:


"natalie+maines+melting" er, nope. just the opposite, really.

well, this was the best i could do for you, freaky.

alright, off to have a wank.


Friday, April 19

woe to you, o earth and sea; for the devil sends the beast with wrath

i'm making a junior high era heavy metal cdr, and here are some of the songs i'm milling through:

ac/dc: back in black, for those about to rock
accept: balls to the wall
black sabbath: mob rules
blue oyster cult: burnin' for you, fire of unknown origin
def leppard: fooling, photograph, rock of ages
iron maiden: run to the hills, number of the beast
judas priest: breaking the law, screaming for veneance, you got another thing coming
kiss: lick it up (well, you didn't expect "mr. blackwell" from "music from the elder" did you?)
krokus: screaming in the night
motley crue: live wire, looks that kill, shout at the devil, too fast for love
ozzy osbourne: crazy train, flying high again
queensryche: queen of the ryche
quiet riot: cum on feel the noize
ratt: round and round (all time fave)
scorpions: blackout, can't live without you, no one like you, rock you like a hurricane

woo! rock out with your cock out motherfuckers!

Thursday, April 18


tasteful new colors!

but it's just ruined by that horribly garish ad banner above, isn't it?

i'm finally going to have to break down and get rid of it.

unless one of my kind and generous readers does it first, anonymously...

to sir, with love

recently, because of various personal tragedies (death in the family, health emergencies, sick relatives) the professor that i am a teacher's assistant for has had to take a lot of breaks from teaching and has frequently let me teach the class in her place... and lately it's not just passing out papers and grading tests, but actually teaching. yesterday i led an hour long session where people brought their design projects up to the front of the class and i coaxed some explanations and ideas out of them. people who never talk in class suddenly came alive, and wanted to share and respond to the assignment. i was encouraging, and praised extravagantly, and put a few of them on the spot with questions about choices, colors, etc.... and they loved it.

granted, it's a small class: 15 people. but they are theater students, so they are a bit hard to entertain for an hour and a half, and there's the inevitable few who need lots of attention and cut up too much or go too far with wisecracks and asides. you know the type. cease to be funny and cute 15 minutes in. but maybe because i was something new for a change they listened, and we laughed a lot, and shared ideas, and got a lot of good work done.

it reminded me why i want to teach someday, because i'm a good teacher. i know when people are bored, or want to move on, or need that extra something to push them along. none of these kids want to be designers, this course is required. a few can barely draw stick figures. but i've managed to let them know there are untapped talents in all of them, and they push on and try their best. it's inspiring. the design finals are going to be amazing, i can feel it.

i also, having taken this same class as a student last year, know what the instructor wants to see and likes to have included with the final projects. and so i showed my "a+" project from last year and clued them in to some helpful hints and quickie "fixes" to fill things out a bit when they turn all of their designs and research in soon. they appreciated the heads up. i also showed them my great-grandmother's well-worn 1903 copy of "the wizard of oz," which got the appropriate ooohs and aaaahs; it's a hundred year old book, with original plates. (and yes, this book had everything to do with the project, although at one point as i stood in front of the class flipping pages for them to see i felt a tad second grade show and tell). all left with smiles, and good ideas, and most importantly an enthusiasm for the task at hand.

this comes on the heels of the class i taught the day before where a student told me that he had learned more that day than the entire semester. and after my costume shop supervisor pulled me aside and told me that three of the students had commented to her that they wished i taught that class all the time. i sigh and smile with happiness.

what it boils down to is that i will be a teacher, someday. this week was just a reminder, to let me know i'm on the right track. i'll work for 10-15 years in the business and then find some good-sized private college in the north east and live out the rest of my days in a quaint little shaker house with wood plank floors and a big herb garden out back.

and a houseboy or two.


p.s. in case you are interested:
weight this time last year: 300
weight one month ago: 289
duration of exercise, and quitting junk food: 3 weeks
weight now, for the first time in 3 years: 277
chin: apparent
the weight is falling off me, but girl i'm working my ass off.

Monday, April 15

my "burn baby" cup runneth over!

thanks to max for his excellent "sun" themed disc, i've meant to post how much i like it, but have been too distracted- so many great songs! and i have never heard marc et claude's version of "i need your loving" and it's faboo... my husband loves this cd, it's right up his alley, and he was so happy to hear berri's "sunshine after the rain"... thanks! mine is on it's way as of this morning.

i have not had a chance to listen to my grabbingsand cd yet, but it's next on the list- i mean... nu shooz? in their actual words, "i can't wait." yippeeee! one of my faves from the '80's, and not just because my horrible cover band did a version of it, complete with vocal samples and drum machine hand claps. oh, those were the days. i was actually called "faggot" from the crowd one time. how did they know?

and thank you to mr. yeany himself for a stupendous cdr, and a steamy cover, and the sweet note enclosed. i love that hunka hunka burning lerv like a sister.

keep 'em coming, and thanks for the great stuff so far! unfortunately, mine are absolutely lacking in fancy covers or packaging... although one of you did get some glitter applied to an insert, so enjoy that. but i'm no good with the photo shop, and i don't have cd packaging software. ho hum. but my songs sure are great!

oh well. i hope my enthusiasm cancels out my lackluster packaging...although i think pictures from the enquirer are excellent cd covers, in a post-modern ironic 1980's nihilist pulp culture junkie sort of way. that was a mouthful.

hey, that's what he said!

get it?

a mouthful!




welcome to the real world, pj.

this morning i'm grading papers.

i actually have to go to the store real quick to buy a red pen, i don't have one.

i've become my worst nightmare.

he he he ;-)

Sunday, April 14

well, here's my burn baby burn track list... it's late sunday, i can't keep it a top secret anymore. what's the theme here?

bruce baby, burn:
summer's cauldron/grass - xtc
summer samba - ramsey lewis
hot hot summer - sugarhill gang
my sweet summer suite - barry white
summer of love (summer party mix) - b-52's
celebrate summer - t.rex
summertime blues - blue cheer
summer in the city - tim curry
like a summer rain - ladybug transistor
summer wine - nancy sinatra and lee hazlewood
electric music and the summer people - beck
summer love - dusty springfield
hissing of summer lawns - joni mitchell
summer madness - kool and the gang
green leaves of summer - mahalia jackson
summer kisses, winter tears - julee cruise
hot fun in the summertime - sly and the family stone
theme from "a summer place" - henry mancini

oh yes. it's that good.

gets a little dark about halfway through, but then you get your sweet soul redemption courtesy of mr. sly stone, in one of my all-time favorite singles. ALL TIME.

enjoy, they are going out tomorrow morning on the way to work.

and thanks to chris and max for the fun!


Friday, April 12

i am very fond of the "makes no sense" mix tape. or cd. i like to throw a whole bunch of stuff on a cd, so that it not only amazes but perplexes. that being said, right now, i'm compiling songs for a mix cdr to exercise to, songs that are all-time favorites that i know from my youth, or remember from the radio, or just adore but don't want the whole album. so far:

the guess who "undone"
rolling stones "too much blood" 12" mix
naked eyes "two heads together"
nico "these days"
village people "sound of the city" and "action man"
divine "the name game"
gerry rafferty "baker street" (one of my all time favorite songs. no, really)
heart "magic man" (ditto)
genesis "no reply at all"
the turtles "so happy together"
rupert holmes "widescreen" (barbra's version is certainly more histrionic, but rupert's original is sad and subdued and wonderful)
linda ronstadt "different drum" (reminds me of my dad)
strawberry alarm clock "barefoot in baltimore"
the moody blues "the voice"
billie trix "run girl run" (from psb's "c2h")

etc. etc.

it doesn't make much sense, and yet, it does. puts a smile on my face just thinking about it.

now, my burn baby burn mix cd has the inevitable "summer" motif, but there are some surprises on it. i guess i need to get my ass to the post office and get them in the mail!

hmmm. what else.

oh, i started speed walking and doing crunches. expect a more streamlined brucehoax in the future. it's time to feel cute again, because i'm back to feeling worthy and talented again. and so it goes.


Wednesday, April 10


i did this megamix in what little free time i had recently. it is called a "bruisermix," as that is what i call these things when i do them every now and then.

there are 14 or 15 devo songs here, can you name 'em all?

(this is *the* download burning up the bandwidth at devodork newsgroups and talk sites, i'm briefly famous for my devo geekiness).

p.s. i am a proud devodork.

okay, so it's wednesday.

and how are you all?

i've got so much to say that i can't post it all. but to sum up: the show is a success, my design is mentioned in the dallas morning news (though not my name- damn!), i bought a used '95 isuzu truck, i took off about 5 pounds (more to come: it's actually happening, finally. i'm worth cuteness again. ugh, talk to my shrink), i'm taking that job in west virginia for the summer, so area bloggers watch out!

i doubt you want a day by day recap of driving around to fabric stores or being hunkered down over a sewing machine for hours, so i'll just let you know that the work was hard and tedious but totally worth it. i can't say that about the show i did in november where i quit sleeping and cried all the time. no, this one worked like it's supposed to: generous co-creators, plenty of time, talented cast and crew, etc. it makes me want to do this sort of artsy work more and more. i don't want to take a little high school production of "the crucible" or "our town" now, you know? i want something i can sink my teeth into.

i am 100% ready to get out of austin, and the deadline is december.

but don't be surprised if i visit new york in august and decide not to come home. hey, my stuff will be in storage, you know? hmmm.

okay, time to catch up with you all.


Friday, April 5


but thanks for wondering.

i'm in dallas, putting the finishing touches on "coriolanus," and wishing i could get back home to austin. i've had no internet, no money, and no time for anybody, including my husband and doggy. i know, i know, i suck. i've not even been near a computer for the last week and a half... so bear with me, i'll be back by monday. i promise. i have lots to tell you. i bought a car. i lost some weight. i've done some design work that i am immensely proud of (pics to follow, as soon as i get a link up soon).

life is nice, but i've missed you all terribly. i'm at the computer at the theater right now, and have to dash off as preview night #2 is just about to begin. a full house. and we're sold out tomorrow- i love this work. of course, i wish i was on stage, but i guess i am in a way.

ooh! there's the bell, gotta go.

lotsa luv luv luv.


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