all neuroses, all the time

not dead!

hey homos, i just finished designing hedwig and it was a big success, links to reviews coming soon (although not one mention of my ovation-inducing costumes, the fuckers), etc. etc.

i'm busy rehearsing for the show i'm acting in, in drag. that's now pretty much full time. the rehearsing, not the drag.

more later
xoxo
posted by bruce at 6:36 PM

hey hey hey.

i'm back in dallas, and i'm busy busy. the show i'm designing goes up in two weeks, and it's a doozy. and we just started rehearsals for the charles ludlam piece that i am acting in... and i'm wearing heels! yep, big goofy hairy me in drag. yikes.

willy, however, saw me in the heels for the first time today and told me to take them off, as he "was strangely turned on by them." a whole new kink i'm not ready to get into. i'm not much on wearing women's clothing, it does nothing for me. now, women's shoes, that another story.

hmmm. what else. the train ride home from that hellpit i spent the summer in was fantastic: relaxing, fairly comfortable, not too ass-smelling. but you know, we were on that damn thing for two nights. people start to smell a little... er... personal. assy. anyways.

i had a stopover in chicago, where i'd never been, and i was surprised to discover that the amtrak station let out right at the foot of the sears tower, and that the art institute was down the street a half mile. score! so off i went, i walked over to the lake and looked at the gardens and the boats, and that fountain that is at the beginning of "married with children" (isn't that the one?), and then spent the day in bliss at the art museum. i saw the big name paintings of course, but i was really impressed with their collection of textiles and rugs. really cool, because you never get to see stuff like that. oh sure, here's a le courbusier chair, here's an arts and crafts table, here's a eames table. but rugs? from the last 200 years? no.

incidentally, the "grand jatte," the pointilist masterpiece by seurat, the one sondheim wrote "sunday in the park with george" about, well..... it was not there. just a color xerox about 1/8th the size, with a notice that it is down for research purposes. dammit! ah well. maybe next time when i can stay in chicago for more than 9 hours.

willy tracked my train's progress via the amtrak website, they have a function where you can see a little dot or something on a map that tells you where the train is- so he knew when i was early, late, stopped, etc. that freaked me out, for some reason. in a global positioning radar thingy way.

i'm off to rehearse now, talk at you later.

xoxo
pj
posted by bruce at 5:40 PM

sayonara sugarpie

and so i'm done here in the mountain state for the most part.

due to a scheduling error (detailed in the now deleted rant below) i am stuck here in w.v. for two more days... but soon enough i'll be on that train to chicago, and then home.

i once had a boyfriend in chicago, i mean, i had a boyfriend who i lost track of that moved to chicago. i wonder where he is? it would be great to see him, if he was there. my now ex-best friend used to know how to find him, but would toy with giving me the information as he thought my staying in touch was not healthy. of course, i walked in on he and my ex-boyfriend at southern decadence years ago, going after it in the living room of our suite. that wasn't the thing that made us all exes, though. it was just the beginning.

anyway.

my brother moved to chicago briefly too, and this was after he said goodbye to me tearfully in austin. he cried so much, and i didn't know why. i knew i'd see him again, i mean, we are family after all. i didn't know he was saying goodbye to me forever. my family had drawn sides in their ever present need to self destruct, and i was on the side he wasn't, i guess. at any rate, we haven't spoken since, and this was years ago too.

chicago doesn't have great connotations for me after all, but i'm excited nonetheless. i mean, right outside amtrak is the sears tower, and down the street is the art institute; and i'd be foolish not to see this and this and this. oh wait, that last one is on loan. well, american gothic will have to do.

nothing like good art to soothe the mind and revive your spirit. or something.

and yet, there's a sad little ache in my stomach, and the last small beatings of an old broken heart.

pj

p.s. goodbye west virginia! i won't miss you!
posted by bruce at 11:43 AM

viva le rant

::removed, once i got it off my chest::

home soon,
pj
posted by bruce at 8:29 PM

an update

still here, still queer, get used to it. feeling a little early-1990's, i guess. full of hope and promise, piss and vinegar. to quote ed anger, the weekly world news columnist, i'm pig-biting mad.

not at anyone, really. at myself, mostly. but nothing to dwell on, just to learn from. let's just say changes have been made.

i'm on cold medication, i don't make sense.

i leave west virginia mountain mama in 10 days. i stop over in chicago for a few hours to go to the art institute. then home again home again jiggety jig. no new york, i don't think. i have to go home. i have shit to design, art to create, dogs to cuddle with and a husband weiner to fiddle with. i want my mommy, too.

and how are you? use the comment feature below, it makes me feel high school popular.

xoxo
pj
posted by bruce at 7:44 PM

try to tear me down

i just received an email from the founders of the theater collective i belong to, and guess what? it's going to be a p.r.-filled couple of months. we will have stories about us and our endeavors (hey! that's the name of the ensemble!) in upcoming issues of "texas monthly" and "d" magazine, two reputable texas mags; coverage on local t.v., and stories in the local weekly about our quest for our own performance space and our upcoming season.

we caused a minor scandal in april with our show "extreme acts" because one of the producers was hauled off to the clink for a t.a.b.c. violation during the performance, tipped off by a neighborhood watchdog that was looking for a reason to shut us down... really, our gal had nothing to do with it, but someone had to go and she offered to sit in the slammer. the show, by the way, was a big hit; and yours truly found himself singing and dancing in a vaudeville style revue that was at times racy and most times raunchy.

anyway. i'm lucky to be involved; most of us all went to college together a million years ago, and my moving back to dallas made me available to reconnect with old friends and associates. it's paying off, i'm cast in our next show, "artificial jungle." it's a noir-ish neo-absurdist play by charles ludlam, and in grand ludlam tradition i will play a woman. an old woman. the grandmother who figures out who killed whom and why. it's a trip.

i'm designing a production of hedwig too, i think the first in dallas. that's a big deal, and i'm doing it with a ritzy theater group that i've worked with a few times before. i get a lot of repeat employment- i never burn bridges, even when i really want to. otherwise, the state of west virginia would be ON FIRE.

all of this happens within the week of my return home. i'll be busy.

oh, and i may be coming to new york city for a few days after all, the second week of august! more on this later. i expect some monkey lovin' regardless; you hairy dark-haired chunky jewish types have officially been warned.

xo
me
posted by bruce at 11:35 PM

well.
nothing much to post, really; i'm checking in to say howdy do.

here at the hillbilly summer stock we close one show and open another, close and open, close and open, like a hooker on a sweaty night. speaking of which: the weather here up in the mountains of west virginia is cool and breezy and it rains two or three times a week... nothing like back home in hot in hades texas. i can only imagine how hot and muggy it is in dallas, and thank g_d that i'm not there stuck in traffic on central expwy with my air-con on the fritz. which it is. the natives here don't understand my absolute loathing of leaving doors and windows open, as it's "such a nice day out." growing up i never knew "a nice day out." only fucking broiling hot. i prefer all doors and windows sealed shut, with the thermostat turned down to about 70. damn the electric bill! damn the environment! i can't stand to have to be damp and moist. (insert dirty comeback here).

today was my first bonafide day off, and i took advantage of the excellent public transport here and went downtown to people watch and walk around. didn't buy anything, but saw plenty of things i wanted to get. now i'm in the computer room, updating the blog, and simultaneously doing my laundry.

it is, as sheila e. put it, a glamorous life.

xoxo
pj
posted by bruce at 8:41 PM

west virginia, mountain mama

as some of you may recall i spent my summer in lovely and tooth-challenged west virginia last year... well, i'm back here again. managing a costume shop for the summer, and working my ass off. oh wait, i had no ass to begin with. okay, working my man-tits off. as cathy would say, "ack."

nothing much to report, you know the drill: theater people are drama queens (literally), there's no money in theater right now, i'm living in a cinderblock dorm room, etc. etc. etc. i'm already counting the days: 31 to go. ho hum. ho hum.

all we do is work and drink. work and drink. even on my one day off i work. and then go drink. there is a surprisingly good gay bar here in morgantown, and the d.j. remembered me from last year ("you were the one that always wanted to hear 'hella good'!") and i'm going to burn him a cdr of various odds and sods that i think the hillbilly homos need to know here. "emerge" by fischerspooner, "walking on thin ice" by psb and yoko ono, "comfortably numb" by scissor sisters, etc. etc.

hey! go buy the new dead or alive greatest hits package, it's their first ever, and packed with loads of great remixes and single versions. and pete needs more money for his labial augmentation. go see. and be terrified. i love him though, in a freakshow sort of way.

nothing much else to report. hope your summer if fun and full of good friends. mine is... not.

xoxox
pj
posted by bruce at 7:08 PM

scratch and sniff

lately i'm getting a fair amount of traffic from a somewhat tacky website about armpits.

now, i don't have an armpit stink thing, haven't mentioned a fetish for one, and, truth be told, prefer my men to be soaped up and cleaned off before i go licking on them. i know there are lots of guys out there that prefer a salty stinky skanky man smell, but i can't stand it. ugh, crotch smell. disgusting. ass smell. even worse. armpits? well, i've smelled some bad ones, and they are not too high on my list either.

which makes the recent visits from that armpit site so odd; i was only recounting some sassy hollywood-style gossip, heard (as all good gossip is) from a third or fourth party. i don't especially like to be quoted on something so silly and petty, and yet the facts speak for themselves: ethan hawke reeks.

but i can't imagine anybody that sees that last statement as jack-offable would find anything worthwhile to slobber over here at chez moi. well, different strokes, i guess. wack away, stink lovers!

p.s. matthew mccon... macconna...maconah... oh, fuck it. you know who. he stinks too!
posted by bruce at 11:38 PM

I SAID EXCLUSIVE BRUCEHOAX MUSIC ON THE LEFT.
posted by bruce at 6:00 PM

exclusive brucehoax music to the left!
posted by bruce at 9:33 PM

more

okay. where was i?

oh yeah: the show ended, i opened a show that i designed in may which i took because it was the chance to work with a nationally known director. the experience was challenging, as i didn't end up designing much of anything, just putting out there what he wanted. sometimes the best design is just keeping your trap shut and furthering your career.

i took in work here and there, made costumes for a ballet folklorico thing, a jamaican thing, a mexican dance thing. and then i signed on for a month of teaching design to a bunch of rich kids at the swanky uptown theater. i am hoping, again, that this furthers my career. the kids, on the whole, are great. some real little shits though too. brilliant little shits, but tedious nonetheless.

i go to west virginia, like i did last summer, to manage a costume shop until mid-august. and then i come back to my new home and try and get a good job doing what i do. or maybe i'll be a temp, an office worker, a convenience store clerk. there's no money for the arts, we're always the first to go in hard times. fuck culture if you can't pay your car note, yeah?

i missed you guys, but enjoyed the break. this blog became a chore, and it was a chore to read.

i'll be working on that.

xoxo
pj
posted by bruce at 4:17 PM

oh. my. garsh.

one day turned to two, two turned to 6, 6 turned to 18. one month flew by. two. three. four.

AND MY LINK WAS REMOVED FROM DOZENS OF BLOGS.

i can't blame you all, actually. i'd do it too, and have. where to begin, where to begin...

um, in february i packed everything up and moved to dallas. the ride in the u-haul was harrowing. when we got here 4 hours later it was night time and all the friends that had said they would help when we got to dallas around 5 p.m. were out and drunk by 9 p.m. (which was when we finally pulled in to town). it started to lightly rain. i smashed all sorts of things with the uhaul, and broke stuff inside it to boot. at one point i started crying. oh the exhaustion-provoked drama. at midnight we were done. i hate moving.

it took weeks to get the apartment in order, but we did it. and what a cute place, built in the late forties for the post-war boom, they are two story and huge and have wood floors and are in the middle of town and at a good price. we like are place.

i immediately started work on a show, acting this time, and rehearsed almost every night until we opened in april. it was a hit, people loved it, and i had the odd encounter or two with people who recognized me and told me they like the show. like a star, but real low level brightness. dim, actually.

ooh, gotta go. more later. we're eating out tonight. not each other. at a restaurant, silly.
posted by bruce at 6:59 PM

hello?

where am i? who are you? i had the most interesting dream...

let me tell you all about it.
posted by bruce at 9:11 AM

so in 6 days i move to dallas, and i'm freaking a bit about it; i have a show opening wednsday (that is truly a horrible albatross around my neck- it has sucked the life out of me), and a show with a first dress rehearsal on friday night (which is nowhere, and i mean nowhere near ready), and a house full of unpacked stuff that i am tempted to unceremoniously take to the dumpster, as it would save a lot of brain power to just abandon my things and go.

but. i won't do that.

granted, i have reason enough to walk off one of these projects; plenty of failed communications, missed opportunities, poor planning, "fudged" contracts, etc. etc. etc. but the truth is i need the money, so i'll just be a basket case until next week. whoopee.

how are you guys doing?
posted by bruce at 9:48 AM

"i got a code in my doze, oh, i got a code in my doze. achoo!" (for bill)

i have laryngitis!

which makes it hard to:

a) talk
b) sing in the shower
c) suck dick

all of which i enjoy.

ah well.

my coworkers didn't know what to do with me today. i mean, how do you cope when the class clown is silenced?!!



posted by bruce at 5:40 PM

a stone inside my shoe

and so i'm back. oh sure, all two or three of you who have hung in there are saying: "yes, but for how long?", and all i can say is who knows?

all the same, i'm back.

since last we spoke i finished up the christmas show i did, and got some great reviews also, and then i went up to dallas for new years and scoped out neighborhoods to live in, and dressed up as a fairly lard-assed boy george for a 80's new year party peopled with lots of hopeless 32 year olds, and took another job designing a mammoth 2-night (yep, that's 6 hours) show for the crazy woman i worked for last year who almost drove me fucking crazy and single-handedly made me turn into a second-guessing basket case (but yes, it was for the money), and now i'm trying to finish that up and get a musical costumed for that chi-chi private school i worked for in october, and i've hung out with andy and i've heard from a few of you too.

andy was, as expected, brainy, funny, clever, personable, and if i must say so, adorably cute. but then i like my men...er... a little ... jewish. now, how i ended up with tall skinny panamanian willy is beyond me, but i'm ever-thankfull, as he is going through an unprecedented period of cuteness and stylishness, all of which was documented by andy in his post. and besides, we are working on our 6th year together, and i'm not worried; all that long-time couple threesome business was started a long time ago, so no big death-knell there.

dallas is going to be great. i've always disliked austin. i like a little snooty, which austin does not have at all. if you like shitty service, ridiculous rent (STILL! THE DOTCOM BOOM IS OVER, GIRL), and more burned-out hippies than you can shake a stick at, well, austin is your place. but i like counterhelp to give a flying fuck, i don't why. i like to be acknowledged. i like to exist to sales people. of course in dallas if you don't look right you are virtually ignored, so 6 of one, 1/2 dozen etc. etc. etc.

all the more reason to get my ass on a stair master, yes?

um, that's about it. well, actually, there's more. but that's it for now.

i missed you all.

really.

xoxoxo
me
posted by bruce at 11:15 PM